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Free My Mind
I haven't been on this site very long, so I doubt anyone will have any interest in reading this entry, or the entries to come. Lately, I've been living a very guarded personal life... I guess I'm hoping that writing in a silly little journal like this, might help me break down some of those walls I've spent so much time putting up.
This past year has probably been the toughest year of my life, and I can tell it's changed me. I've lost a few in my family who I was very close to, and it has left me with feelings of bitterness, anger, and hopelessness. I would like to say it has made me stronger, but if I'm being honest with myself, I know that's not true.
I miss the person I was before...I just don't know how to find her again. I've lost a certain innocence, and with that, a certain positivity that I always carried with me. No longer do I see this life as the oyster it once was, lol. Anymore, it's hard not to notice all the pain and loneliness that exists in this world. I used to believe in a simple set of rules, do good in this life and you will be rewarded. But as time goes by, and I see more and more good people suffering, and not such good people, seemingly being rewarded for greed and acts of selfishness... it's hard to really believe in such a naive way of thinking. This world simply isn't fair, and I can't expect some great power to swoop in and make it all okay for those of us who would like to believe it so. It's a harsh reality, that there really is no rhyme or reason..there is no conduct book that will lead you to a life of happiness and love.
This life is short, and I need to make an effort to appreciate having one at all. I know it's not healthy, or normal to be shut away in my home all alone, wasting the hours away click clacking on the keyboard. It's just such an easy way to pass the time away painlessly. My life is mine alone, and I must rise up and live it.






User Comments: [10] [add]
RasenZangetsu
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commentCommented on: Fri Dec 11, 2009 @ 04:59pm
if you wanna talk or anything, feel free to PM me....


commentCommented on: Sat Dec 12, 2009 @ 07:05pm
Normality is, simply put, a perception. A view, it is not one set way or guideline we all follow. Perhaps in the grand view of things it might be easier if it were. This world and life is hardly ever fair, and because of it, it gets many down and unable to recover to their former selves. This alone doesn't make a person stronger simply because they've experienced it, but it doesn't mean you're weak either.

I can understand that way of thinking and how it must feel, knowing we've lost some dear to us. We all want to believe it will be fair and easy so that things aren't so harsh, even when reality proves time and again that it won't work out that way. There's two things that must be kept in mind though, even through such bitterness. There is always a choice, no matter how grim it looks, and you are not alone, and taking things on alone will do no good. Maybe a great power won't come in to save it, or save you, but perhaps a great person can.



Capt Collateral Damage
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freeurmind
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commentCommented on: Sat Dec 12, 2009 @ 07:21pm
I guess what I mean is that I know it's not normal for me. I just haven't been feeling like myself. Thank you for taking the time to give me some words of encouragement. Every word you said truly helps! I know things will get easier and time heals all wounds, I'm just waiting to get there!


commentCommented on: Sat Dec 12, 2009 @ 07:33pm
Well, I know what you mean, or meant, it may not be normal for anyone to feel like that. I really doubt it is. You'll be yourself again if you really mean to get back to being that way. I'm just saying you don't have to try to go it alone or think you are alone, or shut yourself out to get there. It will happen, and so much the better for you if that great person comes along to help you out, just don't miss the opportunity.



Capt Collateral Damage
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crazyirish227
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commentCommented on: Sun Dec 13, 2009 @ 11:12pm
I know what your going through. im in that place now and i dont know to get out of it. if you need me im here


commentCommented on: Wed Dec 16, 2009 @ 01:14am
crying wow heart breaking. I no how it feels I wish you the best who ever you maybe that you can learn to stand on your own two feet and be glad to see the sun each morning as it rises and go to sleep without tears as it sets. Life isn't fair and there might not be a power to fix it except our own heart and the kindness of others so go find others to help you wether it be in a game biggrin . Online chats or in person. Stay kind and in the end things will work out.



ZeckX
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freeurmind
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commentCommented on: Thu Dec 17, 2009 @ 06:16pm
Thank you to everyone for your encouraging words. I never expected to get so much support and genuine kindness from this site. It has been a very nice surprise, to say the least! Thank you again. =^.^=


commentCommented on: Wed Dec 30, 2009 @ 11:47am
Expect kindness in everyone..... :]



Kira Adel
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sKRiBEL
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commentCommented on: Tue Jan 12, 2010 @ 10:25pm
hey as you prolly already know i read you're entry, i know what you're talking about, for me it's not walls it's a beaten path because when i was young my life was great not a care in the world, til i was 8 thats when it all changed my parents you see were both alcaholics for majority of my life and my mother was very untrustworthy she had to goto rehab for an impaired charge no biggy happend before,but she didn't come back not for 3 months she had missed all of our (me and my brothers) birthdays (didn't matter) we all lost it, turns out she took off with one of her friends and they ended up hookng up and shacking up with him, i ******** hate him, but my life was ******** i didn't know who i was anymore and like a beaten path let people walk all over me, my life was complete s**t i wanted to die, i was only 9 at this point, my dad became a drunken mess, no job, barely any income, we were lucky our uncle owned the house or we would have been out on the streets, i felt all alone, so i would let nearly anyone in, i had alot of bad company, any way if you wanna know more about that just ask, but until now or i guess when i got my gf, i realized i was not the only one she had dealt with alot of things i had, now i know life is unfair to all more so to some than others, i had found the remedy to my sadness, it was love, everbody's remedy is different though you see, maybe it's just friendship, maybe love, maybe they need an enemy to take it out on, maybe it's something completely different, now my life is ******** again because my gf is bitchy and makes my life difficult but the past little while i made a stand now i realize i do have to live it on my own, my girlfriend has to come 3rd after me and family, not 1st, any way i keep getting side tracked but i know what your saying is all. lol long sorry, ^^.


commentCommented on: Thu Jan 14, 2010 @ 01:52am
Wow. Even through all of that you were still able to open up and let someone, or something heal you a little bit.. A lot of people who go through things like that, live their lives being mad at the world. And don't worry, it wasn't too long, lol. I enjoyed reading it. Sometimes hearing of other people's troubles make your own seem a little smaller, you know? ^^



freeurmind
Community Member
User Comments: [10] [add]
 
 

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