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So I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and almost a half..
It's epically painful, and I've thrown fits a lot.

Somethings I've learned:
1. I'm still a kid emotionally. I don't know how to hide my feelings, I don't want to do what I don't want to even if it's for the best, and I just want to do what I feel like doing.
2. Maybe those relationships that keep secrets is a good thing. Me and my ex used told each other everything... well, aside from the fact that he's one of the few who know me very well, i have a sneaking suspicion that that's what killed the thrill of our romance. Thrill isn't very important, but it's fun.So this number isn't very important.
3. When you break up, something was cut, and though you think you still can feel it there, it's not there.

Anyway, I'm in the depressed stage.. all I wanna do is drown my sorrows with role-playing a different life, have fun, and get back my life before I met my ex.

Last night was sort of hell.. bawling my eyes out and not being able to sleep until i had some sort of pacifier..

But I know that someday, I'll be okay again.

Right now, I'm looking for a fairy-tale to run to, a fairy tale to make me happy again.

But I'm trying my best not to find one. I need to grow up, not an escape. I can't let my emotions get the best of me, because what's best for me is doing what I need to do. The brain was placed over the heart for a reason.

But it scares me too. One moment, I'm flitting from one guy to another, all happy and giddy, the next moment, hating men forever, the next, utterly depressed about how I look and believing I'm doomed forever.

But I'll come out on top. I know I will. I have to.