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Can I get some feedback on some of this?


-lady lylixx-
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Now keep in mind, this is only the prologue, and the "hook" if you will...


Freedom. Everyone dreams about their own freedom. Whether it be from work, school, or even from their whole surroundings. Think about your freedom. Where would you go? What would you do? What kind of person would you be? It’s a dream really; a fantasy. An example of freedom is a forest with sunlight gracefully showing through the trees, like heaven is just above the canopy. The smell of the recently ceased rain, still lingering on the blades of grass and the soft green moss. But sometimes, freedom is not a place for people, it’s a feeling. A feeling of belonging, friendship, or sometimes even love. For two girls, Dominique and Roslyn, this is what they dream of their freedom of being. But you will soon know, that that will not be the freedom they find.

Pot holes in the dirt road caused the old ‘67 truck to bounce and shake. The canopy that kept Roslyn and Dominique slightly less than warm, was vibrating against the tailgate. Old scratched up and cracked glass was shaking in the loose seal of the window. Sitting next the Roslyn’s unconscious body, Dom began to think about her mother. Also knowing that there was no way that her mother was thinking of her. She realized that even though she had done horrible and hurtful things to Dominique, she could not help but love and miss Gretchen. It wasn’t her fault, she was merely damaged like Ros and Dom.
Sirens arose from the darkness, and the red and blue lights lit up the back of the truck like the inside of a strip club. The rocks progressed from slight tapping against the bottom of the truck to loud and stinging thuds that kept time with Dom’s racing heart. Frightened Dom began to cry when she felt the acceleration of the old, beat up truck.
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank you, God. We’re gonna be okay.” Dominique whispered under her voice. The lights and sirens vanished into the dust; and it took all hope of them getting out alive and safe with it. In Dominique’s mind, she began to go crazy with torment. Her hope was there that they were going to get out, and just as easy as it came, it left. They never thought that the freedom they chose would come with such a horrible price.
Even though the police were fading far behind them, they were still speeding to catch up. Traveling as fast as the accelerator would let him, (main drug deal guy), came upon a semi-truck with a ‘Corona’ label on the side. An idea formed inside of his twisted head. He continued to speed.
“okay baby. This is the plan. I am gonna pass the semi here, get in front of him, then we is gonna speed off into the field, and flip a b***h. And when them basterds realize we aint there, we will be heading the other way.” explained (drug dealer dude) to Shelly with excitement.
When Dom finally saw the logo on the truck next to them, her thoughts immediately went back to her mother. Her eyes filled with tears once more as they slowly passed the truck. She noticed that she met eye to eye with the tires. The outside noise ceased, and the rocks, that were once logged into the tires on the semi-truck, shot up at the window of the canopy. Everything in their shattered world started traveling in slow motion. Dominique foresaw what was going to happen. She grabbed onto Roslyn’s hand, and held tight, hoping that her grip would not wake her for what was inevitable to happen…



Please keep in mind that I am still editing and working on it. (:




 
 
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