What goes on my mind and never goes away...
"Hey 'K', there's something wrong and you know it... want to talk about it?".
"Sure... I mean, it's not like anybody's willing to listen except you... or myself to be more precise".
"Your point exact. So, why are you so... depressed?".
"Well... you need to be more specific...".
"You know that you know, that nobody else knows and doesn't seem to understand unless you let it all out. So, why are you so depressed?".
"Well, I feel so lost, confused... I don't know what to think, what to do... I know nothing anymore... There's always question deep in my mind, I only ponder to question as I try to answer them myself... but I only create more doubt, I grow weak, there's always a question... a loss of faith, hope...".
"You know what it is, don't paraphrase it so much".
"I don't want to think selfish, I don't want to complain, I'm just tired, sick of being used... I want to find 'the one' already, or at least have a damn slight chance with someone, even if it doesn't work out, because honestly, that's how you know if it will be more or not, if there's a damn chance given, but I know I won't have it...".
"Because you know the world of today asks for so much more, because you know the men... and also women, look for more. They only blind themselves in physical appeals, feelings, personality, way of thoughts aren't enough anymore. They want what they would consider something 'hot' or 'sexy' to only please their fantasies... and then what? And you know it's like so, you have said to yourself 'I have a heart of gold but an undesired body', that's why you're putting yourself so down to the ground, and you know you can't do that".
"Well, what else can I do but to feel pitty for my damned self? What else can I do but to question why? What else is there to do but to sulk, depressed and confused? But to try and find an answer? It's not like I wished for this... I'm trying to face what could be a possible reality...".
"Which is, that it might be that you were meant to be alone?".
"Exactly...".
"I don't think you truly accept that idea, if you did, you wouldn't recall all those beautiful moments and feelings you felt once before, you wouldn't cry and yell out in your mind 'why oh why'.".
"I know... that... but what else can I do? Sit and wait like a sick puppy on the street, begging for attention and love? I don't think so...".
"At the least, have hope and faith, maybe you won't find it soon, but that doesn't mean you'll stop walking, because you can't see the road".
"I've wandered out there already, you know that, they find no particular interest in me... Let's just agree in the terms that... Old wounds are acting up, my heart's tired of beating erratically for nothing, sick of hurting inside for no apparent reason...".
"So... you'll just lay down and die?".
"Not like that either... but right now, I could just lie down and rest, for a good while. And it's thanks to these experiences, problems, thoughts, unanswered questions that... I've said to myself, I deserve nothing at all".
"You can't think like that, everything you have was given to you because you do deserve it, and I know you are great full but... you've got to be more positive about yourself.".
"I can't...".
"You know this isn't over yet...".
"Of course not".
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Sy
thoughts, words and everything in between. NOW SCRAM!
J/k. Don't tear a page off though.
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Female►26►Kyuu?
"Hey Commander can you unplug me?
Just for a minute; I need some privacy."