There are some simple rules you have to obey:
1.) Legs poking out are not permitted as they provide easy holds to be dragged away
2.) Exception to rule 1 is when its a hot night. (monsters are too slow on hot nights)
3.) Soft toys always help. They make a good army who will always stand by your side no matter what
4.) They also make good sacrifices. (i.e when you throw Mr Cuddles at the ominous shadow just to make sure its a shadow)
5.) If the killer is in your bed, then technically you are still on the opposite side of the bed cover, and therefore under it.
6.) One must always jump into bed. Anyone who gets too close to the dark gaping hole that occupies the space underneath your bed is almost certainly dead.
7.) Sheets [only on hot nights], doonas, bed covers and blankets all do the job, no matter how thick or flimsy they are.
8.)No, snuggies do not count. They are f**king retarded. The only thing they will protect you from is a social life.
9.) Heads may stick out, if one needs fresh air, but pillows must be ready for easy hiding or a weapon, if a pillow fight were to break out.
10.) Having someone else in the bed helps as well. Generally monsters can't handle two people, and anyway, your mind should be distracted
11.) Night lights are for wusses. At least be a man and turn off your light before cowardly hiding underneath your bedcovers.
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The Bardic Tales of One Hobbs/Kain
Really just what ever nonsense is on my mind.
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