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it hurts. but yet im still here. living this life i never chose to live, destiny has chosen my fate, as time stood by..where's my chance to shine. wheres my chance to live without tears. i smoke and for a moment its gone, but as my high sinkens in, and then fades, the depression rises, my heart hurts, it does not burn, but feels as if someones undoing every piece of thread everyone has sown into it when they tried to piece my hearts shattered remains back together. why is it always us? the young? who get so torn and hurt, then we grow up to be totally what we never wanted to be because our situations have based our actions off how we reacted in the past, when we were vunerable, does anyone understand my pain? i believe everyone does. even those who act nice, or a total a**, feel my pain, feel it hurting, they cant sleep at night, when they do they dream, dream dreams they never have sought out to dream,
why is the young so fragile and yet so is the old? why is our leaders more like our own followers now, turning their ways to be more suitable for us? our generation is FALLING into a trapt, and no one see's it. we're more worried about our looks, our ego, how tough we are, how much money we have, rather then noticing some of us dont have any of that, wouldnt it be wonderful if hearts could be shown? so people dont just judge but THEY'LL KNOW? people think imma cold hearted jerk, or a spamming hyper kid, in reailty imma dude living a ******** up life which i can not bare anymore. all i want is love. but love does not seek me. for i have abused the boundaries and helped girls cheat, i have cheated, i am ASHAMED of who i am and i am MAN enough to admit it, i would do anything to be that young almost innocent boy i was when i was 4. when i was 5 i started gettin into bad s**t, AS A CHILD I WAS INTO BAD s**t, i wish all these memories would fade, i wish every pill i take would just crush and get outta my life! i wish i could sleep without being drugged or heavily sedated, i wish one girl would love me for who i really am and not cause of my c**k, not because they pity me, but because of who i am.
we all want things in life, but we dont always get them.why is it girls always lead me on? get my d**k, and leave? why cant ONE stay? i try not to show my c**k or do anything sexual, and instead they cheat on me. i dont know what to do anymore. these words do not express how i feel all the way, only partially.
lifes hard, but reality, is harder.
take this and use this for wisdom, cause my heart can not express everything i feel. one day i PRAY i can sing a song, write a song, write every word down, anything! that'll make my heart, feel so much better,
with much love of a hurting friend,
-Martin.

i'm not emo. I'm just torn.