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i have no clue where else i should place this
is it weird if you go out with a person you've know for only about three weeks?
i'm already getting tired, but i don't really want to give up. she says she's thinking about giving up, but why? does she think that i'm a lost cause so she might as well stop now? i don't really get that- is it possible that when you like someone, you can just stop liking them because you already feel as if there's no point. does liking someone REALLY work that way? aren't you supposed to keep on liking that person until a long time just passes, otherwise it means you've just had a little crush that's not that big?
it's only been three weeks, and she's already planning on giving up. i feel as if she expects me to just like her back, and that three weeks has been too long. that doesn't make any sense. couples spend quite a while before they actually bother going out- in my own situation, i don't even know that much about her in the broad spectrum as her other friends know her. wouldn't it be better to hang out more, get to know each other, then actually see what happens from then on? it's as if there's a time slot and she has to meet the requirement or something. relationships tend to not happen that fast- at least not ones that work out for a long time (athena and jimmy's excluded because well... they're not really the normal couple and their previous situation was a little different)
it's so weird, my situation is that every single time a girl likes me, i always end up learning that from some one else. i'd MUCH rather hear it from the person herself- it makes sense that they're embarrassed or too afraid to say, but personally, i'm pretty sure guys like it a lot more when they hear "i like you" from the actual person's mouth. if a guy doesn't like a girl but it's the other way around, they should just take the leap and go ahead. it'll make the guy like the girl a whole lot more. no one even gives me a chance to try and figure it out for myself. they just tell me, and i'm pretty sure in their minds, they have some thought like "now that he knows, he'll probably go out with her, mission complete!"
no. i don't work that way. i want to be familiar with someone before going out with them. ********, so what if that means going slow. i don't want to suddenly be pushed into a relationship, but for me, it's almost guaranteed i'd just grow apart from it and stop caring.
this has got me thinking so much. i think there's a few reasons why i haven't done anything yet:
- i'm not completely sure if i like her. how the hell does liking someone feel like? i think about her a lot, but i'm pretty sure it's not because i'm crazy so about her, so she's always on my mind.
- i live too far. i think i fear this might be a huge obstacle in our relationship.
- i might transfer schools next year, making it even harder.
- i tend to not be the one to initiate a lot of stuff, so it could make her angry with me, or something like that.
- i'm still waiting for time to pass to see if i actually do like her. i don't want to go into a relationship, then break up a few weeks later. it'll just prove to me that high school relationships are s**t and pointless.
- now that i already know she might give up, i don't want to go out with her solely because i don't want her to lose interest (or at least i'd probably feel that's the reason). also if she's already thinking of giving up, how will she stay in the relationship in the times where i might tend to pay less attention to her?
- she complains about her weight and height. she compares herself to me. now i can tolerate this because a lot of girls at one point do this, but if she just continues this when if we ARE in a relationship, it's going to drive me nuts. if she's going to be talking about how i'm too tall and too skinny, then i'm gonna get angry. that's one of the things i don't really like that people do- i'm abnormally skinny and a crap load of people are tall to begin with. so i'm sorry, there's not much i can do about that. no guy likes a girl with a low confidence level (or at least the ones that are actually planning to go into a meaningful relationship).
- i don't want like i'm only going out with her because her friends as well as my own have been sort of pressuring me to. a lot of the time, the reason why i don't do something is because people pressure me- i used to get so easily persuaded, but i'm trying to break that. but maybe i'm trying too much.
- i don't say a lot about what i think. i don't always think before i speak. this could be a problem for myself, mainly.
- she hasn't really... done much either? well she has, but i mean like any indication she's given of liking me, it's usually through some one else. the paper and heart she made me, someone else gave to me. the charm that's the other piece of her cell, her friend took it off and gave me.
- she doesn't let me see a lot of stuff- i think she's really embarrassed. when i take her phone, she doesn't let me slide the screen to a certain picture- i already know what it is, it's a picture of me and her walking and holding pinkies. ok so it makes sense to have a little privacy, but she's always going off to talk about something.
- today, when i told her these notes that she wrote made me really happy and made my day, she just said "you could've just said that through AIM!" cuz yesterday, i said i wanted to tell her in real life. i don't know if this is old-fashioned or whatever, but i don't really like saying something that i feel might be important (relationship-wise) through text or im. in the past few years, i've grown to believe that that's a bad form of communication in a relationship if you're still in the early phases. you don't want to flirt through texting or IM because that just gives you confidence, knowing that you're hiding behind your phone/screen. you definitely don't want to ask someone that way. idk... it just feels like she might rely on technology too much in the relationship?
- i've watched so much sappy chick flicks, i'm afraid that i'm going to just go through this relationship trying to base it off of one of them. and we all know that those are 95% superficial and would never really happen.
- when i heard about her giving up, i felt like... wtf? aside from the reasons mentioned above, just like last week, a friend of hers gave me a conversation they were talking about, and in the conversation she talked about a whole bunch of qualities she liked about me. it was pretty long. this along with the notes- on tues. she said that in them, she loved me x200. then suddenly now, she might give up? it doesn't make sense to me to say all those things and suddenly now, lose interest yourself. if that's the way it really is, then obviously what she's thinking about me isn't totally true.
it's sort of funny, through all the girls i've known that liked me in some way, there's always this one thing that i really really liked about them. hope, she stuck to it for a long time and even though people gave s**t to her about it, she didn't care. she doesn't care what the world thing. she might be scary sometimes, but whatever. audrey, well haha, she seems like a GREAT person to be around. she knows how to have fun. jessica, i'm certain she'd take the relationship seriously. she's also knows how to have fun. lan, she's really individualistic. she's bubbly and funny in her own way. i don't know a lot of people who are naturally like that.
or maybe it's all just me, i don't know. maybe i'm the one who's being too cautious and being too analytical. i just read an article on crap in a relationship and it said to try not to analyze events too much. ********, oh well. i already did.
god this is like the longest rant i've ever written. sorry if someone gets pissed for this long a** post.
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