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my almost epic jounal I will write a few thoughts every now and again

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its been up and down. there have been good things and bad. btw this is going to be a long one. ive had my fun and ive had bad luck. im doing fine logicaly so far. i have a good paying job im working a lot im in a decent size town. and im saving lots of money i got a new vehicle and yet it is all hollow. i have no one to hold no one to be with. i do have friends and family. but im greedy i want more. why is it that. i fit into no catagory. the girls i try to meet reject me before they get to know me. people dont like u to be upfront they only think they do. these girls either think me to strange or not strange enough. but how can they know when they have only one conversation to get to know me. im surrounded by my friends and family, but most of them are away and i feel alone. everyday i work and dont feel like i get anywere. at the current rate of income i will work most of my life slowly draining away the zest of my life. i have no time nore a way to keep a relationship. i feel me slipping into the darkness in which im forced to be one with. i try and lie to myself telling myself that i dont need anyone to slow me down and get in the way, but i just cant. see though myself. every girl i wish to be with will and has rejected me. there are some who dont understand why i dont want to be with them and thats pretty much the reason why i dont want to be with them. they just dont understand me. i wish to find that creature to witch can help me get my zest for life back. but i feel like im in a tar pit were the more i try to get out the faster i sink. its dark and nasty and will continue to take me under.

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