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It seems that I am now at wits end. My life has become such a soap opera overnight that it pains me to think of it in such a manner.
I have broken the heart of a beloved friend and in doing so he now claims that I have never loved him at all. Am I such a fiend as this?
What have I become to be such a flirt even unbeknown to myself. I was so tired of being the outcast of my society in the real world I came to this place to be someone completely different. To be beautiful and kind and loving, as I am on the inside and so dearly wish to be elsewhere.
But fate, it would seem, must now derive me of these happiness that I so dearly cherished. And all because I do not know true love.
On several occasions I have thought myself to be, but it turns out false, that it was merely a spur of the moment relationship that leads from one to the other. First, with a man named Edward, then again with another, and finally with his man's most trusted friend, to whom I hold great friendship, and to whom now dispises me and see me as a traitorous b***h who has broken his heart.
Each night that I said good bye and I love you to him, I meant it, but I guess it was not in the manner he thought it was. This man loved me. LOVED me and I could not return the effections. Am I that stupid? Was I truely staring such love plainly in the face but just so blind I couldn't see it and just let it go?
In my pasts effections I made a man promise me once that he would never break my heart. But now the tables have turned, and I am the heart breaker.
Whether you hate me or pitty me, dispise me, or weep for me, ask that you do not think of me at all, but think of him. I wronged him, I hurt him. And I can never take it back, no matter how much I wish to.
I beg for his forgiveness, knowning I'll never get it, and be satisfied. I hurt the man who loved me, to whom I made smile and laugh, to whom I wanted to see be happy always in the memory of me.
I am sorry, my friend, and friend you still are if you will have me. Talk with me or shun me I do not care, just read this, and hopefully be content.
I hurt you, in the deepest way possible, and I'm sorry for it. Please forgive me.
Naatta
 Naatta · Mon Mar 06, 2006 @ 07:43pm · 2 Comments |
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