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I remember someone telling me that everything will be alright. Life gets better at some point, right? Don't get me wrong. I "do" hope and think it will get better.
But it just seems so far away, y'know?
We wait and wait but nothing seems to get better. At some point, I hope I get to look back and say "I remember those days, when life was nothing but a pile of junk."
Being afraid to fail, to change... To feel not ready to even get a job?
Haha... Yeah it all seems so pathetic. But those feelings are true. And those feelings lead to negative thoughts that will drive to stress and pain.
Why do we torture ourselves like this?
Why are we almost never positive? I think about it, and look at it in different ways. Even when I know that my future can be bright, I'm afraid and don't have the courage to try. But we're not the only ones keeping us from acomplishing those goals. To think bright is hard when there's other people in your life.
Just this morning, August 23, I went outside before my parents were even awake. My dad was drunk the night before, and left a mess all over. Food, clothes...even his gun was out of place. I didn't know how he was. I didn't want to risk getting in his bad side when he's drunk.
I thought he was quitting. But lately, all he does is get here late and drunk again. I sometimes don't see him for days. Should I be worried? The first thoughts that come to mind are..."is he seeing someone else?, Will he be alright all by himself?, Is he coming back anytime soon?" yeah more worries to deal with.
At the end of the day, he's back from where ever he was. Mom has her suspicions.
I have to deal with her constant argues with my dad and sister. You may think she's a rebel. But Nani is a nice person. She's going nowhere with her life... Having epilepsy turned her life upside down. Ever since she started smoking and drinking, she hasn't been so bright. Way to ruin your whole life just to feel good for a moment.
Mom keeps worrying. Nani doesn't come til very late at night or the next morning. What's happening? Mom's mood changed. That's what happened.
"Please, keep the knife where it belongs." Figure this out by yourself. I ain't explaining here.

So, the next day comes and nothing really changes. You see that your life sucks, even when your problems aren't as bad as the next guy's. Even when we reflect over and over. We wont go far. This is how life treats us. This is how we treat ourselves. We CAN change it. But do we even have the strength? The brains? The money? I guess that comes along the way. Til that day comes...I'll keep all of this in mind, and so should you. Think about it. Talk about it. Open your eyes! I'm still trying to open mine. Til then...We'll be slaves to what ever bad comes towards our way.