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I need to write about this one thing that's been plaguing these past few years!

Alright back in elementary school I was probably one of the stupid ones in class. I asked teachers dumb questions and made a fool of myself. My essays and math homeworks were a complete mess. I think my cumulative elementary gpa has to be about 2.75. It was bad, and I was a complete dunce.

And then that was when I hit ilima intermediate school. It was definitely a change of scenery for me and I think it was there that I was awakened. In ilima, my grades bumped up to extremely high levels. I hit 4.0's in about half a year. I answered almost all the questions the teacher threw at us. This was truly a time of enlightenment for me. In elementary school, I didn't know what "studying" meant. I didn't know what to study. Then in middle school I realized that studying meant to read over the material you just went over in class recently and also to practice some stuff. I would actually sit on my desk and bury myself in papers and books of class material. In high school, I kinda stopped the "enlightened" mode, but the grades were still there. Then in 10th and half of 11th grade I was top notch and the class " god" if you will.

People went and asked me for help. The teacher made me her reference point. Basically that means that, " If TJ doesn't get it, then the whole class doesn't get it. " Whenever I'd go "huh?" The teacher would immediately reteach the whole thing to everyone. I left hawaii and I heard a teacher say, " who's going to correct me while I'm teaching now???"

So I came here, and unlike hawaii these people are conservatists and anti-liberals. They didn't care if you were a genius, they only cared whether or not they'll get an A or whether or not they'll be able to meet their friends after class. However, at the end of the year during the final exam in english something incredible happened. We had a 100 question vocabulary test that counted for pretty much half your grade. I got a 100% and the teacher was dumbstruck. She said, " TJ! You got a 100%!!! this has never happened for 5 years. " The whole class was like " who's tj? " And I sat there in my corner with a smirk and people started flocking to me wondering how the hell I did it. The look on their faces was priceless. And I was pretty proud of myself. I only studied for like 30 mintues lol

From there my enlightenment streak slowed down. I got a few B's at the end of the senior year but my gpa was 3.89 and 4.1 weighted.

And here's the main point of me writing this. Back in the day I was able to just sit in a corner and study as if it was as common as breathing. It's like my brain automatically sucked the information from books and all I had to do was sit at my desk with an open mouth and let my eyes do the walking. Then I'd take the test the next day and I be the highest again and people cross their arms at me and mutter " smart a**"

Now ..... I can't do that anymore. Whenever I study I doubt that I'll be able to successfully suck the information from the books. I've hit a dry spell I guess, I hope that doesn't sound wrong? When I study I actually FEEL myself studying and my laziness starts to kick in. It's like I'd rather take a nap than study, or I feel that I've studied enough even if I've only studied for 5 minutes. Sometimes I'd procrastinate and put work off to the side. I don't know where I got this laziness from! I want that "juice" that I had back then. I want to study and not even know that I studied. Or rather, I want to study without feeling the tired in the middle of it and FORCING myself to study.

I need to slap myself in the face right now. I need to bring back the "book killer" Where is he?!