my heart aches a crack going across it. my soul dropped to the ground everyone stepping on it. my spirit chained and caged. Separated from the only one i want not knowing how much longer he will be mine. So confused and hurt stuck in a haze always thinking of him never knowing if he thinks of me. why? why does it have to happen to me i didnt want it to come out but it did what does my happiness not matter should i not be happy because others do things to me? i feel so torn like their all pulling at me like i dont get to choose myself she says he is a horrible person so cant see him he says i can only live with him if he has a g.e.d job and a better house. She once asked me if i could live with out her and my answer was yes im not found of humans and i can live with out anyone and i now know that that is true i can live with out it just hurts so bad to live with out his voice and touch one would think that all i care for is sex when really i just want to hold him and be by him and i know its selfish but i get so jealous because he is living his life and i have no idea what he is doing or who he is talking to and there are other people who are with him and they get to be by his side while im just not and then i get sad because i wonder if he has found another to replace me or im to much trouble and a waste of time that he doesn’t want to deal with so he wont come back to me. i just want to hold him and love him but its like its illegal to even think of wanting to love him and i do i do love him my heart beats with the thought of him i smile when i talk of him and i think of him so much he has cracked my heart but that is to be expected with life yes it had to have happened sometime everyone has dismissed my soul as nothing more than dirt and has walked on it while she has chained and caged my sprit i love him so much it hurts to think of mot being with him i love her but only because she birthed me im so lost with no one to turn to because no one knows how i think nor could even begin to understand why i think like that
~Seaturtle
 Tsukino Hiyasha · Wed Dec 15, 2010 @ 11:42pm · 0 Comments |
