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At first, I thought that maybe he still had feelings. That deep down he still wanted me, that he still honestly and truely did love me. But after today, I know that that is not the case. It couldn't be more simpler than that. Yesterday I told him flat out to stop giving me mixed signals. Just flat out stop. Don't hug me or sway me like the old times, don't rubs against my legs. Just don't, I didn't know that he was apparently this way with everyone, but even then talking to him may have been a mistake. He said that hugs and smootches were how he treated all his inner circle friends. Well, if its going to give me confusion and hold me back, I don't want to be a part of that. I just don't. Although, I know he only strictly likes me as a friend, maybe not even that, because once upon ago when things were how they were a friend became dangerous to me and he helped me. Now, I mention that I've been talking to him and he just shrugs it off as whatever or an I dont care. THAT is how I know whether or not if he likes me or not. He didn't give me any advice, anything that may have helped me. Instead, he just shrugged it off.
Now its the weekend. School has been what has kept my mind distracted, and I need it distracted. Without something distracting it, I atm mostly likely to revert back to being weak till I am back in school becuz I haven't gotten over the break up, and I don't want to feel the pain so by having distractions I suppress those emotions back to my unconscious, but its getting harder to do. There are times when I can't anymore and I just keep repeating events over and over in my head. Sometimes I cry from it, but I try not to in school because I do not want everybody asking what is wrong. I just don't. Now its the weekend and I can feel free to cry all I want, as long as it isn't in front of my mom or siblings.
Probably to keep my mind distracted I probably won't text him unless he texts me first and I'll be working on applications, school projects, and well my WoW characters. Those together may keep me busy enough so that I won't have to think.
I may go get some sleep here soon. My sides have been hurting, I'm feeling a little tired, and it feels like a big lump in my throat.
 Shortstopkate · Sat Jan 08, 2011 @ 05:27am · 0 Comments |
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