|
|
|
Needed to get this off of my front page.
---
Hello. o _o Hello.
I never counted the days. I don't know how long I've been gone, not really.
I didn't really want to come back and write this, because I'd actually rather that you thought (or wanted to believe) I was... gone somehow, than perfectly able to come online and choosing not to. I've always hinted that I was a liar, a fake, a fraud (or something), that you couldn't trust a thing I said, that it would do you good to read everything I wrote and be prepared to find out it wasn't true.
Man, if you guys only knew! It was the biggest and most terrible game I've ever played in my LIFE. Two years! Two years of living in a world that only existed on a screen, two years of unseen friends (and lovers?) and who knows what else. MAN. Sometimes I think about what I could have done with all that time, where I'd be if I wasn't... who I was pretending to be, you know?
I know I was pretty obvious, and a bad actor, but I'm glad you all played along with me anyway. It was fun. I just couldn't take lying anymore, okay? Does that make sense? I know it's the worst excuse for leaving behind a whole bunch of real friends, friends more real than some of the ones I've got IRL, but it's the only explanation I've got for my behavior. I couldn't lie anymore.
I thought it was about time to come out, sort of. I remember you. Yes, you. You know who you are. You were sixteen when you told me and the rest of your friends who (what?) you really were. I'm sixteen now too, and I thought it was about time.
So, hi there. We don't know each other, not really. Here's to correct things I have lied about. Petty things that I thought would make you like me more:
My name starts with an S, and it means "peace" in Sanskrit.
I have only one brother, and he's thirteen now.
I have a little sister, who's almost four months old.
...I'm a virgin. D: And the furthest I've ever gotten is... almost third base?
I don't live in a freaking mansion. It's a condo. Close enough?
We only have two helpers at home. They don't even always help out at home, they hang at my parents' business.
And I always, until recently, thought I should have been born a boy because I make a fugly girl. Yep. Yep, yep, yep. I know, I'm a s**t no better than that fuhrer kid! I'm sorry, okay? I'm really, really, reeeeaaaally sorry. D:
I know this makes a lot of things strange now, some conversations and... things, we've had, they're going to seem really strange. I would have really, really rather let you remember me as I was, or some s**t like that, but hell. I'm still here, and you deserve the truth. I owe you that much, I think.
God, I don't know what I'm doing back here. I get that it's too much to ask you guys to have me back, and I'm not sure I'd want it anyway. I've moved on now too, but I need... closure? Is that what they call it?
I know it'll suck, me just leaving behind this icky, inadequate, sorry excuse of an... excuse, apology and explanation, and not even being here to take all the s**t I know I deserve from you lot for lying and leaving and lying and leaving, but... Well, I've got no excuse. I'm sorry. If you do someday forgive me, forgive me again for not trusting you enough to accept me for who I really am.
All is well, by the way. : D I'm so sorry for leaving so suddenly, it's just... yeah. Am I treating this too lightly? Should I be writing more solemnly, more pathetically... I can't. I don't know how anymore, and I can't feel more sorry than I already am. s**t.
If there is anyone left to receive this message, hello! The date today is Feburary 7, 2011.
 Irritation 5 · Sun Feb 13, 2011 @ 05:53am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
