Sometimes, when you wish for something you so desperately want, you receive it and it is not the way you imagined it would feel.
All the time in the world to think to myself, why do I ache so terribly? All the things in life are going right, instead of left.
So why do I feel even worse then when my life was in debt?
I always knew I had friends that were never really there, somehow it's just dawned on me now that I truly have no one. Everybody has somebody, someone to call a best friend, some one to call a boy/girlfriend, some one to turn to and just talk to. Talk to them about something, talk to them about nothing.
Where do I fit in? I have no one, my life used to be tragic, it still is, but the only thing that is better is that I'm out of my clinical depression.
Is it wrong that I'm starting to miss being depressed? Having a reason to cry, being able to do it so easily. It was so easy to push people out of my life and say they don't understand.
I could still do that now, but it isn't so easy. The people that say they care about me, they know they don't, I know they don't, so why is it so hard to tell them I don't need them anymore? The person I call my best friend, it's obvious we have no connection anymore, and they have moved on to better people. Why is it so hard to confront them about it?
When I think about it, the only possible reasonable answer is that I just hate being alone. Even when people pretend to care its better that then really having no one care at all.
I'm being pushed away at all angles.
From friends.
From family.
From reality.
So now, it is with a heavy burden I ask the mute sky,
What can I possibly do now?
 Beautiful Bloody Romance- · Fri May 13, 2011 @ 03:09am · 0 Comments |
