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technically only two but I count the first as a vacation <3

-First Date
-Calavaras
-Second "Date"

It makes me a little sad to see June go by so fast. I still have so many things I want to do over the summer. I still want to play Rock Band with Dev and bring Josh to my grandmother's lake =w= I still want to find a pleated skirt and buy my own wardrobe (fun clothes not work clothes D< like with my first paycheck) And I would like to eat a watermelon and stare up at the stars one night. I want to flit around in front of Josh while we walk. I want to be picked up and spun around. I want to glomp a friend and have a water balloon fight. I want to have sex for the first time and drink a root beer float.

But most of all, I think I want to find that spark in which people grow up. There are a few things I want to get past that I haven't yet. I know it means growing up but... I think it's time that I got over it and started living to the fullest. I, don't want to doubt myself so much. I want to feel that love for myself again like I do when I'm in San Francisco.

I want to draw a small comic about my girls or at least make some art for friends. There are many friends who have been overdue. It's hard to motivate myself, lol.

Ah! Josh is gonna go to Sac Anime in September >.> curses. There's a lot of news with him, considering I spent three days with him it's reasonable. I asked if I was the only girl he was dating and he kinda looked outraged that I would ask that... but it was for protection. we never defined the lines of our relationship. He's like... devoted. It's really sweet... I don't know where I fall. I would love to say that I'm devoted but I still hold back a lot from him. I'm not completely honest and I try to keep certain parts stuffed down more than usual. It's pretty early in the relationship and it's not like I'm hiding major things... I do want to share everything but I'm scared.... I just need to rise to the occasion.

So tonight I'll be online for a long time so that I can work on HBAT - hopefully. I've been avoiding Gaia honestly... mostly cause I just lost faith in roleplays and all my friends on here. I was frustrated and took out my other feelings from IRL out on them. It wasn't fair and I do take the blame. I let my mother drive me crazy and being stuck with only her for like two days is really intense. I'm already dependant on them so any other drama just sends me flying to the hills. With only one car, we're all on edge.

I miss the Van... my mom won't let us drive the other car so really we only have one car. The new car feels.... weird. Like... foreign. I don't know how else to put it... it doesn't feel "safe" or "familiar" or "warm".... it's ..... weird. It's almost like it doesn't have a soul.... that's how it feels.