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Katarina
A story I'm working on.
Katarina's long legs and feet made no audible sound as they carried her swiftly through the inky night. She darted from shadow to shadow, between the tall oaks. Her long locks flowed behind her in a silvery cascade as the wind rushed past her face and her eyes, which matched her hair and glowed like two moonlit orbs, stalked her prey. She soon came upon her prize. The buck had stopped for a drink at the stream and was now within range, so she quickly drew an arrow, notching it into the oak longbow she was already holding, and took aim. There was a gentle rustle of leaves up the stream and as the buck looked up, Kat let fly her arrow. He made a cry of pain, took but a single step, and fell over. She rushed to her kill and though he made no attempt to attack her, she found him yet alive. Knowing that the arrow must have missed his heart, she dropped to her knees and, pulling out a long hunting knife, quickly ran it through, ending the poor beasts suffering. Kat dipped the tips of her fingers into the blood and then brushed it over her chest in two lines, though it was hardly noticable on her dark skin.

She set about removing her arrow, laying out a long leather roll and getting out a leather bag, which she set aside. She unrolled the leather and easily lifted the creature and placed it upon it. Using her knife, she bagan to gut the deer, placing the heart and liver in the bag and making sure it was tied securely. Her hands moved on their own, already knowing what to do, and she was done within a few minutes. She cleaned her tools and hands in the stream, making sure to dry them well and placed the well sealed bag of organs back into her pack. Then she tied the deer up in the leather mat and once it was secure, hoisted it up with ease, onto her shoulders. Turning east, she began the trek home.

Though the buck was young, he was hearty and weighed a fair amount. To most, it would have been a difficult chore to carry such a load for the few miles Katarina had to go to return home. However, to an elf such as herself, it was done with relative ease. Among the elves, she was considered tall, standing at nearly six feet, and this, coupled with her strength and speed, only aided in her task. While her talent was speed and not strength, this particular burden required little effort, even for her. Her keen eyes moved constantly and her long, pointed ears were alrt for any signs of danger. While her people did not have true night-vision, they were far more keen than that of the humans, and they could see nearly everything, so long as there was some source of light. There was an abundance of moonlight this night, thoug she hardly needed it. Her body knew exactly where it was going without having to see the path ahead.

Katarina had hunted in these woods hundreds of times before and she knew it as well as the inside of her own home. She was easily the best hunter among her people and usually lead the other in the Hunt, a celebration where they would chase down the largest boars after the breeding season. It wasn't just as celebration, but a necessity. If the older pigs weren't killed every year, their population would get out of control and they could do serious damage to balance in the forest. No matter how many kills they made though, they always used every bit that they could. Tusks and antlers were usually used to make jewelery, while hides were used for more practicle things such as clothing. In fact, her current attire was made mostly of deer hide. Her tunic, which reached the tops of her knees and was belted at her waist, was a soft and supple tan colored pelt. Her britches were of the same material, only slightly darker and tucked into her knee high leather boots, which were made from the rare black elk that only visited these woods once every few years. Her pack was made of a thick, heavy boar hide. It wasn't fancy, it was practicle, just the way she liked it.

She could soon see the twinkling lights of her village and redoubled her efforts. She passed the first building, coming into what they considered to be the town center. In the middle of the open space was a large well, which she passed as she made for her own house. It was yet early enough in the evening that her family would be awake and she could see the strong light of a fire blazing from within the house, smoking rolling from the chimmney. She adjusted the weight on her shoulders slightly and placed her hand on the door, pushing it open.

It was a modest sized cabin, made from the strong oak that was abundant in this area, with a stone fireplace across the room. A large pot was in the burning fire and the heavenly smell of stew wafted from its direction, while Elanor, Katarina's mother, tended to it. She was a small, petite woman and it was amazing that she could have ever birthed her and the two boys sitting at the table before her. Her two brothers, Aranel and Rowan seemed to be enjoying themselves immensly, laughing at some joke that their father, Celedorn, must have just finished telling. They all stopped what they were doing, looking in her direction, as she entered.

Aranel, the oldest of the three siblings, jumped up immeadeatly, taking her pack and kill from her. His large muscles rippled beneath his shirt as he easily held it over the one shoulder. He stood a good deal taller than her, but had hair and eyes to match her own. He hugged her with his free arm, "Tis good to see you home and safe sister! Your family was very worried that we might lose you to the night!" He let her go and moved to the back of the room, where there was a second door that lead to another room, one which they used mainly for tending to their kills.

Rowan, the youngest of the family, simply smiled and laughed. Though he could laugh well enough, he had lost the ability to speak when he had somehow gotten a strange infectino on his tongue. They had been forced to cut most of it off when he nearly suffocated from the swelling and fear that it would spread. He was the same height as Katarina, though there was still time for him to grow, as he had not hit his full maturity yet. His hair was silver, as was their entire families, but his eyes were the same violet as their mothers. Though he could not speak, he was her closest friend and they spent most of their time together. Now, he stood and made his way around the table to embrace his sister and flashed her his amazing smile. That very smile had gotten him into quitea bit of trouble with the local girls, or rather, their fathers.

Katarina returned the hug and smile and followed him to the table, taking a seat next to her father, who congratulated her on her hunt. He was a large man, like Aranel and it was from him that Katarina and her eldest brother got their eyes. He was extremely tall and it was most amusing to see the husband and wife stand next to one another. He was the butcher of the village and it was from him that Kat had learned her hunting skills. Elenor placed a bowl of hot vegetable soup in front of the three of them as well as one for Aranel, along with a fresh loaf of honeyed bread and butter. She also filled their mugs with a hot mulled cider. She kissed her daughter on the forehead, welcoming her home and helped herself to bowl, joinging them.

At that moment, Aranel entered the room and quickly washed his bloody hands in the water basin. Rejoining them, he happily tore off a piece of bread for himself and passed it along. "I've got the buck bleeding out, you can cut it tomorrow father. It's a very nice hide. I'm sure the tanner could get a good price for it." He dipped his bread into his helping of stew and began eating.

Celedorn shook his head, heartily eating his own food "I'm going to have it made into a blanket for Seraa's new baby if it's good enough."

They all nodded in understanding. The villagers usually worked together in helping to provide for everyone. They made no profit off of the meat they shared, and it was likewise with the tanner, weavers and farmers. They cared for their own, that was simply the way it was. Whatever extra meat they might have was sold at market, but not until everyone in the village was given an equal share. While none of them were rich, they were healthy and happy. The family ate their meal, mostly in silence, eaching leaving the table and saying their goodnights as they finished and going to their respective rooms.

Aranel and Rowan shared a room, but Katarina was lucky enough to have her own and she was glad to change into her cotton night clothes after her day long hunt. It had taken her a longer than she would have liked but she was happy she had not had to spend the night in the forest. Her bed, stuffed with fresh straw, crackled softly beneath her but she was soon fast asleep, her exhaustion finally taking over.





Dragoness Arleeana
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Dragoness Arleeana
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  • [12/02/11 06:52am]

  • User Comments: [6] [add]
    Vaithren
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    commentCommented on: Sat Dec 03, 2011 @ 07:32am
    Hmm, well, as I expected, you're piece was an enjoyable read. ^^
    It was able to keep my attention, and your descriptions were informative, yet to the point. If I really had to find something to critic, well, it would have to be that...you didn't have her speak. It's not too much of a deal, but it was hard to get to know her since she didn't share her thoughts.

    Not sure what you mean by noting on how I imagined them, since you described them with enough detail, but...in general, I see Aranel as a younger version of Celedorn, Rowan with very soft, gentle features, taken from Elanor, and Katarina being a taller, more muscular version of her little mother. Not sure if that helped any...

    All in all, though, I really enjoyed it. I look forward to see what is in store for elf-Katarina in the morning! ^^

    Cheers!

    ~*Vaithren*~


    commentCommented on: Sat Dec 03, 2011 @ 07:38am
    I just wanted to make sure the descriptions I gave were good enough. I felt I got a bit confusing there. :p

    Well, I didn't have her speak here mainly because she was hunting, alone, and was tired. She's not a very talkative person in general, but there's more to come!



    Dragoness Arleeana
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    Vaithren
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    commentCommented on: Sat Dec 03, 2011 @ 07:10pm
    Of course they were! If I understood them, I'm sure everyone else would. ^^;;;

    Ack, that is true. I admit that I was being picky, but I wanted to make a note on something, since you were open to critics, instead of simply letting you know how much I enjoyed it. x.x
    Looking forward to the announcement of the next chapter! ^^


    commentCommented on: Sat Dec 03, 2011 @ 09:04pm
    Good! Watch some of your comma usage, cause I know I make that mistake too. It helps to read your story aloud to see if it is a pause point.

    I noticed 'alert' spelled wrong in paragraph 3 and infection in the part where it speaks of Rowan.

    I also am a bit in the dark about the character's ages. I'd assume them to be late teen's since they are still with their parents, but as of yet I'm unsure of their customs. Though,since it doesn't mention that the eldest is married, I'm assuming the siblings are in their mid to late teens.

    For an opening, it's OK. Personally, I got a bit puzzled about all the attention to the deer and hunting. Usually, the more attention on one subject, sets the mood and tone for the book. So, 'this is normal life. This is the character, this is where she lives.' for me, it looks more as though it comes AFTER something. It's in the moment, but the moment lasts briefly, we see her skill, and then, we get explanation. It's a LOT to hit a reader with.

    It is risky jumping into character introductions right off, especially ones that go into great detail. In my writing classes in college, I kept on hearing, 'SHOW, don't TELL!' I am not a hunter type of person, I got a bit bored despite how well it flowed. In books, you have roughly 10 pages if that. (these days it's rather like 4) to draw in the audience, and on the first page, you have to ask yourself if it is a good snapshot of the whole book. Does it set the mood?

    If you focus on a character, THEY have to capture all the attention. For me, I just saw all this info ABOUT her, and not much of her character, though, granted, she seems to be a very serious character. I also see her showing very little emotion, and she doesn't speak a word. For me... it's very difficult to get even remotely attached to her, despite how talented she is at providing for her family. She did everything methodically, as though it was her job. I didn't see her taking any joy in it, despite how her family was. I read the earlier comments, but if she is tired or usually like that, it's best to have that in the story itself.

    I'm seeing her as a closed off person, someone who seems more like a story teller presenting how the community works. While that is good, its risky.

    All and all I'm hoping to see more as the story goes on!

    Keep on going!



    Starflyer1
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    Dragoness Arleeana
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    commentCommented on: Sun Dec 04, 2011 @ 01:04am
    I've noticed some of the errors and whatnot as well, but the program I use have a basic spell check or it doesn't point it out to me, and it's kind of annoying. This is mainly just a rough draft. I know what you mean with it being kind of just...BAM, though. I'm going to be adding more to the beginning I think, maybe changing it completely to describe the hunt more and try and give her character more depth in that. I'm also probably going to have her say a bit when she puts the buck out of its misery, since I want to emphasize her compassion in that. Kat is a very much driven by her instincts and I want to show the "animalistic" side of her, or show that she does not think or act like a human.

    Well, they're elves. So, they don't age the same way we do, which is something I'll be getting into more, so don't worry!

    I'm also thinking about getting rid of some of the introductions, at least for now. I'm thinking when she brings her kill home, it will only be her older brother and father who are waiting for her, and maybe a bit later in the night, maybe even early morning.

    I'll work on this part a bit more and let you know when I've made some changes! Thanks for the input, it's very helpful! ^_^


    commentCommented on: Sun Dec 04, 2011 @ 04:10am
    No problem! I try to be as helpful and as clear as I can! What you have so far is very good! It very much looks like a skeleton of the first 2-3 pages of the chapter. I'm not sure if you have a full plot in mind for this story yet, but there's always a few things you can mention in the beginning that can 'set up' important moments later on. Those little hints don't have to be clear at the present moment, thus hunting the deer, but later on you can reveal- having someone run up to her as she comes back into town and mentioning 'What a great catch! Your brother was telling me he was going to make a new out fit for ____'s child out of what was brought back!'! Showing compassion and community. Thus, opening the door for Katarina's motives and emotions. Well, just an idea. XD

    I'm the type of person too, who likes to dish out information, but I've developed a method of scattering about details so people learn as they go. In a sense, it makes the reader part of the story and a member of the town. It involves the reader by putting them on the same level as the character, so there are no secrets and the reader learns as the character learns.

    The other method, which IS rather difficult to write at times, is to give the reader more or less info about the story/town/plot than the character. Cartoon series tend to do that, since they show the main villain and their plans.

    Just some thoughts. There are so many devices and set-ups to use when writing, but that's just what makes it fun!



    Starflyer1
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    User Comments: [6] [add]
     
     
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