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Into the Program is a short story I wrote this about a year ago. I'd say it's the only decent thing I've written and it remains to be my magnum opus. It the world of science-fiction, I'm sure this idea has been beaten to death. But these days, science-fiction seems to bring ideas of Star Trek or deep space. I was always more fond of the classic Philip K. d**k or Robert A. Heinlein style.

But anyway. It's about 5,000 words. I hope you enjoy it.

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I

Felix propped his legs up on the desk, leaning back in a office chair. He was dressed sharply, with blazer and silk black tie. His dress shoes were polished to a slick sheen. He was relaxed, as he always was. Calm and collected. Secure and confident. Felix had things together and knew what he was doing.

It wasn't technically his desk yet, nor was it his chair. The desk and chair belonged to the President of Student Council of the Senior Class. Felix was awaiting the tallies, which were going on in the backrooms of the auditorium. The students who had seen Felix's platform and turned in their votes were already back in class. Felix had let himself into the Student Council room after his presentation and no one argued, like he knew they wouldn't. Popular, handsome, and charismatic were words that easily came to mind when someone thought of Felix. Well liked by all, and an intelligent young man of 17, Felix was everything anyone could ever want to be.

His competition could barely be considered mediocre. Their nervous habits and weak voices were frail in front of Felix's booming voice, upright stature, and strong will. Might as well be unopposed, he thought.

A girl entered the room and stood behind him. She kneeled down and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her nose into his neck. Felix was so relaxed he almost didn't feel it, the clouds of her kisses raining down on him gently. Elaine whispered into his ear, "You looked great out there."

Felix smiled and kissed her. "Thanks babe. You think I won?" She grinned and kissed him. "Who would doubt it?" She untangled herself from him and sat on the desk. They smiled at each other for a minute with unbreaking glance and she jumped off and straddled him in the chair, wrapping her arms around his neck again. Her eyes were full of desire and lust and Felix grinned, embracing her. "God, you have no idea what it does to me seeing you on that stage."
"I know, darling."

They began to kiss and it was a few minutes later a girl entered the room. The girl gasped and Elaine quickly got off Felix, standing up and straightening up her hair, embarrassed. "Um," the girl began, "Felix, the results from the tally are being presented. Please come to the showroom." The girl was a fellow student, one year under Felix, who had a painful crush on him. It was hard for her to talk, and to come in during one of his intimate moments with Elaine. She was blushing for ten minutes even after she left the room.

Felix came into the showroom with Elaine by his side. The results for the offices were called, starting with the two Representatives of each class, going on to the Treasurer, Facilitator, Secretary, Vice President, and then to President. When the time came, Felix stood with the two other candidates and the votes were called. Sam Jankis - 38, Thomas Brown - 47, and the winner and new President of the Senior Class, Felix Verilli with 153 votes. The people in the room cheered, and Elaine ran up to hug him. Felix nodded his head with modesty, and humbly shook the hands of his opponents, who were grateful to have lost to such a great man. Felix's modesty, coupled with his victory, elated him to a feeling of ecstasy in his head. The room felt surreal, the vibe he was getting from it all.

***

When Felix got home his mother called out to him, "How did it go, honey?" Felix walked into the living room where she was and took off a badge he received. In a metal crest held the Senior class coat of arms, labelled with 'President'. His mother shrieked with joy and hugged Felix with all she could.

For a moment, Felix felt like she wasn't hugging him as tight as it seemed.

"We should do something for the occasion, Felix. Us and your father should go to dinner. You should bring Elaine. Oh, I'm so proud of you."

She began to call his grandparents and tell them the good news. Felix went upstairs and set the badge down, appreciating it for awhile. He got a cloth and began to polish it. It looked overcast in the sky, so he couldn't get the right gleam off of it. Felix looked at other trophies he had won throughout the years. Little League, Academic Excellence, Writer's Association. Everything was wonderful. He flopped on his bed and drifted to sleep for a short while.

In his dream, his father was yelling at him, shouting about what a failure he was. He was startled and woke up. It was 7:00 and his mother was calling him to leave for dinner.

Felix, Elaine and his parents ate at a fancy restaurant where Elaine and his mother talked about school, Felix, and other gossip. Felix felt a little uneasy around his father because of the dream, but after awhile he patted him on the shoulder and said "Good job, Felix. I'm proud of you. I'm glad I raised a winner." Felix smiled and thanked him. What a strange dream, he thought. His father had never yelled at him. It was always compliments and praise, but in a way that wasn't like his mother's.

Felix went to bed that night snug in his bed. He had no dreams that night.

The next day Felix stayed after school with the Debate Team. He was the head of the team and had yet to be defeated. Elaine was also a part of the team, and she watched Felix with awe at his intelligence. It went as usual, with the instructor splitting the group into two, giving them a prompt, and then after some brief preparation, they would begin with turn-based debate. The prompt read as follows: "Within the past decade humans have taken technological advancement to new lengths, improving efficiency, quality of life, as well as medical discoveries. Imagine that recently there is a product known as 'The Box', which hooks up to a someone's brain and delves their conscience into a 'virtual reality', where the world is the person's greatest fantasy. Once in the Box, the person would have no recollection of his Real Life, and be immersed in their version of 'perfect life'. The body would require looking after, which will be provided. What kind of influence would this have on the modern world? Would it be ethically moral for one to enter the Box? Write on a separate sheet of paper whether or not you personally would enter the Box."

Felix's team had to be against the box, while the other would defend it. After each team collected their thoughts, it was decided that on the last point, the ethical usage of the box, was left up to Felix.

In the first debate concerning cultural influence, the defense was able to hold its own, referring back to quality of life and the costs of the Box being enough so that no average Joe would afford what entailed the box. Felix sat and thought about how easily he could break through the defenses claim.

When the debate on ethics started, it came to Felix. He stood at the stand boldy and undaunted.

The defense began, "Why would someone choose an off-brand soda, when they could have Coca-Cola? For what reason would one have to live in a life where happiness is hard to come by, where constant realities cause someone to worry and be filled with grief. There are no moral setbacks by agreeing to enter the box, for each of us only wants to be as happy as we possibly can. The Box can provide this for us. The defense rests." The class clapped, as was customary. Felix grinned.

"My opponent talks of real and fake happiness as if they are things we can buy from a shelf." Felix spoke with dignity, "Happiness is not something that someone can simply reach out and grab. It is not an item that can be found down aisle 17. It is something that must be fought for. That someone must earn, not something someone picks from a selection. My opponent's fatal flaw was assuming that happiness can be obtained from the mere touch of the fingers." Felix nodded his head in pause, and the defense spoke again.

"The prosecution may be right about traditional happiness being hard won, but he seems to forget that this is the modern world. We live in a world of instant gratification. Why, if I want a coke, I do not have to mix all the ingredients together. If I want some pasta, I no longer have to boil the noodles, instead I can pop a container in the microwave, and in five minutes it will be done, ready to serve. What I am getting at is that if we can have all of these things at the tip of our fingertips as my opponent says, why not happiness?"

Felix held his hand to his chin in thought.

"Instant gratification, my opponent claims. As we all know, we can get our pasta within five minutes, yet is something lost in not taking our time. Every day, my mother cooks dinner for my father and I. Sometimes it is turkey, sometimes macaroni, yet I can assure you that the pasta that my mother takes time, puts effort into, and makes carefully tastes better than any 'instant pasta' my opponent here could ever find. When we look for shortcuts, when we try to cut corners, we lose something. We lose quality." Felix nodded again, full of smiles.

"It would appear to me the prosecution has gotten a little sidetracked. Why, this is not a matter of whether or not the Box presents good quality happiness, but whether or not it would be ethically correct to do so. I say there are no moral setbacks to using the Box, but it is simply an extension of instant gratification, something, I would like to remind my opponent that the modern world hails as virtue."

"I would like to mention that a society claiming something is good does not make it so. If we, as a society, were to decide that murder, for any rhyme or reason, was to always be justified, would that make it ethically right? That aside, I would like to propose what I consider a side effect of the Box. When using the Box, the user will fall into a reality where everything is perfect for them and they are, in some sense or another, happy. What reason then, would the user have to come back into reality? As soon as they are exposed to this 'happiness', they would refuse to come back to reality where, though might not be terrible, they would be convinced wasn't as good. But it would in fact be their own fault for not appreciating life! Happiness is possible here, in this life, but only a fool would use an artificial machine to create their happiness for them."

At this, the defense took an extra pause before replying, taking a drink of water. Felix was beginning to put on pressure.

"My opponent claims that by using the Box, they would never come back into reality. For why, my opponent seems to be assuming that we as humans have no self-restraint. Why, we could limit ourselves, plugging in only on the weekends or when we have a moment to ourselves. I don't think there is a man alive who would neglect his own physical body just for emotional gratification. That goes against our nature of self preservation!"

Whether or not he was done talking, it couldn't be sure, because Felix answered back quickly.

"If I opponent would look at the drug addicts of the world, he would see that they prove otherwise! Heroin, cocaine, meth, all of them! They have such an addictive property to them that the user willing neglects their own body just to get another 'high'. This would be the implications of 'the Box'. Used foolishly and without self restraint."

There was a pause for a reply, but the defense was beginning to show nervous habits, trying their best to think of a rebuttal. Felix took advantage of this and started his attack again.

"This 'Box' of yours could not ever be 'ethically acceptable' because a single use of it would convince the user that there was no other happiness besides what's found in the Box. Combined with this, the use of the 'Box', will make the user a burden upon society, giving nothing to anyone else around him besides being a lifeless form on a bed plugged up to a machine! In both the self-preservation as well as the utilitarian perspective, this 'Box' proves to have no positive effects to anyone!" Felix slammed his hands on the table with such a rush that the audience couldn't help but start cheering, even the other members of the defense team. Felix was grinning and Elaine was dazzled by his charm.

***

Elaine rubbed her hips against Felix as he laid in her bed. He had snuck into her house, as he did from time to time, at her command. "Felix, you know what you do to me." she said between kisses. "Seeing you so strong like that."

"I know, honey." he said, calm and collected as always. "Besides," he said, "who needs a 'Box' when their life is already perfect." Elaine smiled, delighted.

While she was at his neck, Felix suddenly felt startled. The moonlight came in through her window and he saw his vision begin to blur.

"What...." escaped his lips.

He tried to wrap his arms around Elaine, but they fell around himself. He tried to sit up, but he couldn't. He couldn't see the moonlight from the window anymore, and he felt the impressions of sight, touch, taste, scent, and hearing fade. For a moment, it felt like they had been fake.





II

Felix opened his eyes at a ceiling. It seemed exceptionally bright in the room, and he immediately closed them. He heard someone move around the room. He was laying down on what felt like a feather down bed, on the softest of blankets. Is this heaven? he thought.

"No, it's not." a voice said.

The voice was a girls and Felix thought that she was yelling at him. When he was able to open his eyes, he saw that a girl was sitting in a chair across the room. She was calm and looked at him patiently.

"Do...did I say that...out loud?" Felix didn't understand why, but it felt like his words came out in a jumble. He never had trouble talking before. "What was that?" the nurse asked.
"When...how did I get here?" Why does this all feel so strange, Felix thought.
"You have been in that bed for almost twelve months now. You have been enrolled in the Program. That is where your mind has been for the past twelve months."

Felix tried to turn his head and threw a glimpse he saw what appeared to be some kind of machine. It was making a light hum.
"How...how long have I been in that-"
"You were admitted into the Program twelve months ago. You've been woken up routinely and then promptly put back under."
Felix tried his best to sit up and it took so much effort that he fell back down under the force of gravity.

"Where...Why don't I remember anything?"
"When you re-enter the Program, your brain voluntarily forgets some undesirable memories, such as your routine awakenings."
Felix lifted his arm up and his elbow bent like a creaky door. A flash of Elaine's face flew by his eyes, and he spoke "Am I...am I going to go back in? Into the Program, I mean." Felix asked because he didn't know how to respond. This wasn't where he belonged. He was about to make love to Elaine. Where ever he was now, he didn't want to be.

"You will be re-entered into the Program if you can pay sufficiently the fees and requirements."
"What...Where are my parents?"
"We go over this every month. As soon as you decided to become a part of the Program, you agree to sever all ties to all family members, as well as any friends you may have had."
Felix looked at his hands, skinny with loose skin from lack of use. His fingernails had been neatly trimmed, but he didn't know who did it for him.

"How..did I get here?"
"When you were admitted in the Program you signed a contract, paying in full for a term. This included the apparatus, nutrition, housing, routine maintenance as well as still-exercise. I'm afraid your dream has ended and the process will not be resumed until you pay for another term."
Felix blinked his eyes, flickered them checking his senses. He didn't know how to take the information, so he just took it passively. After a moment, the sentences were finally relayed into his brain, at which point he began to feel a little anxious. "What do you mean pay for another term. I-I don't know how I paid for the first one. Wha-what have I been doing?"

"You have been lying there in that same bed, which get changed every two days, for 358 days." While she spoke Felix raised up his hands, and clapped them together. The sensation of smack, and the sound of k-lap! were powerful, almost skull crushing. He wasn't sure how to take it.
"I meant...what did I do? How did I get the money for this?"

"That information is usually withheld from us, though I have heard that you spent the last of your savings into this term."
Felix was feeling around his face. He had some scruff for facial hair and his cheekbones felt peculiarly prominent.

"My savings..?" Felix began to wiggle his toes. He had socks on and the cloth felt soft and flexible. For Felix, it felt like this was the first time he had ever done it. "Why is it so hard to move? The air feels so heavy."
"Though the still-exercises help prevent muscle deterioration, only true activity will assure muscle care. At every routine wake-up, you were advised to pause your term, with no charge or fees to you, so to help your muscles recover. All eleven times, however, you declined, and re-entered the Program."
It was at this point Felix attempted to stand up from his bed. He struggled to sit up, but combined with his arms and back, he was able sit upright. His feet gently touched the floor and the cold tile came as such a shock and he cringed and removed his feet from the floor as if it had generated an electric shock.

It was at this time Felix noticed how dim the lights were. He looked around the room, and there were black curtains covering the windows, light barely making any escape from the edges. "It's..why is it so dark in here?"
"You are the first person to go into the Program for a year's duration. Patients who are plugged in for just a month find their senses to be especially inactive and unaccustomed to any kind of sensation. We know with previous experiences that the most usual of sensations can feel very intense and, in our worse case, one patient lost their eyesight for two weeks."

Felix was rubbing his fingers together when she mentioned the powerful response from touch.
He was snapped out of it when a flash of his Presidential victory flashed in his head.
"When can I go back..to the Program?"
"When you pay for a term in advance."

Felix sat there for a moment in the dim room. The silence of the nurse was unusual. For a moment he wondered if everyone was like that. Coming to realize that his Presidency was just a shroud he put around himself unnerved his head. What were real people like? Then Elaine flashed her face in front of his eyes, and he blinked several times and rubbed his eyes. How did I forget how to live...he asked himself. Elaine again.
"What...when can I go back in?" He noticed for the first time how much difficulty he had speaking. What happened to my charisma...he wondered.
The nurse was slightly irritated, having answered this two times already. "When another contract is signed, and the fee is paid for another term."

Felix was still passively accepting the words she told him and a few moments later he asked, "How long is a...term?"
"One month. At the end of the month you are woken up to either renew your term or to resume your life in the Realground."
A moment later Felix repeated the word 'Realground', just under his breath.
"Who...how do I know who I am? I can't remember anything from this...from here."
At this the nurse stood up and walked to a filing cabinet, where she pulled out a thick folder tied with a rubber band. She undid the band, and took out a smaller folder. She handed it to him, "At the beginning of a person's very first term, they are asked to write a document to remind themselves why they entered the Program, details recalling their life, what their profession is, and other important information."

The folder was a few sheets of paper laminated and complied. The folder was bent and beaten, as if someone had tried to rip it apart, but failed miserably. On the top sheet, handwritten it said 'Felix Verilli'. Felix could still recognize his own handwriting, which gave him some comfort. He turned the page, and began to read.



"Felix," it began, "you are 28 years old. You are a male. Your home is on the 6th floor of a flat, where you live by yourself. You favourite color is blue. Your favourite number is 17." The entire first page was simple details, which he skipped over. He did notice one line, right in the middle that said 'You are a failed writer'. The next page began "You are going into the Program to get some inspiration. The publishers refuse to recognize your work, and you're going to have to pull out something big to keep going. If you are wondering where you got the money, it is from your savings that your family amounted for you. It is absolutely IMPORTANT that you DO NOT re-enter the Program for ANY CIRCUMSTANCE after your first time (the words with emphasis were not only in all capitals, but also underlined several times). I pray that you'll listen. This is only an experiment, a test, to see what all the rave is about. I hope that if you are reading this, and you don't remember, that you will have not lost your common sense. DON'T LIVE A LIE."

At this Felix was taken aback. Had the nurse not said he had enrolled eleven more times after this. Why would he ignore this? He continued reading.

"I don't know what will happen once you go in. They claim that it makes everything you ever wanted come true. I have a pretty good idea of what this means. If you really have forgotten your memory, I need you to take a breath." Felix paused for a moment, and inhaled a gulp of air.
"Elaine left you were you were 19 years old. If you dream about her, you should remember that it's been nine years since she left. We are over it. She is now married and last you heard she was considering having a child. Despite all of this, you have managed to go through life. It's not impossible. You've been living nine years without her, I hope your head is on straight enough to come to terms with it. I hope the Program won't have a relapse of this. I hope we are strong enough."

Felix set the paper down. Elaine's young, beautiful voice ringed in his ears. Felix clinched his teeth and shut his eyes. Is this real? he thought.
He turned to the nurse. "How do I know that this is..real? That everything around me is real?"
The nurse was sipping on a glass of water. "Your memories will come back to you soon. It has all the other times; this should not be an exception."
Felix began to read again.

"You might also dream that you have good public speaking skills. Well, we have trouble talking in public. We have a tendency to fall over our words. We can get going on a subject, and then totally lose everything. When it comes to talking to large crowds sometimes we get so entirely nervous that it all comes apart on us. This is probably why when I tried to present my books to publishers, they would decline me. It is something we have to live with."

It was in the middle of this paragraph that a flash came into his head. A glimpse of him standing in front of a businessman, talking about his latest work. Then, the flash cut to a letter declining to publish his book. "I...remember.." Felix mumbled. A moment later he heard Elaine telling him it was going to be alright. He cringed and shook his head.
He continued reading.

"I will remind you that the money came from your savings. This is only a TEST to get inspiration. We enter the Program with hopes of coming out a literary genius. We can only hope it ends up that way. Our low end job as a coffee shop clerk barely gives us enough money to enjoy life. Your failure to find a girlfriend is starting to take a toll on your emotional stability. I would talk about our family and friends, but since apart of entry into the Program requires us to break communication, perhaps you can think about that later. But our parents probably hate their failure of a son anyway. I think when we spent the money that they saved for us on the Program was the final straw for them. I pray that this works for us."

A flash of Felix eating with his family. His loving mother and father who radiated endless love. Proud of their son. But Felix knew that memory was from the Program. He was beginning to remember his home life as a child. Parents who argued and a father that would constantly put down his son as no good. A mother who wouldn't defend him. A tear slid down Felix's cheek.

The last page read, "Felix, don't let this discourage you. You have been strong for years. I hope you remember now. And I hope you make the right decision."

And Felix remembered now the day he wrote the paper. He was sitting in his apartment flat, at a desk with a typewriter and stack of papers. It hadn't been used in months. He was giving his future self optimism, because in truth he hadn't been strong enough. Several times a week he would break down and cry, drowning in his own self misery. He had lost his will to write and was looking for an escape. Calls from his parents putting him down and a job that barely gave him enough food to eat every night.

And Felix had hoped that when he came out of his first term, he would have changed. He would come out confident and strong and with enough drive to face life in the Realground. But to his dismay, he hadn't. Nothing had changed. And now, eleven terms later, he was to find out his body is so sensitive that just touching a cold floor made him shriek in pain.

Felix began to get angry. He bared his teeth and yelled at the folder. Screamed at his life and everything he had done. Raged that the Elaine he knew, who would do anything for him and had a sex drive for him and only him, was only a fake. A shame. He wanted to deny this piece of paper and began to pull at it to tear it in half, but the laminate combined with his weak arm strength would only bent the folder and contort it. He tried to crumple it up, and it would only come undone. He threw the paper across the room.

"Put me in! Plug me back into the Program!" Felix demanded of the nurse.
The nurse was reading over some papers that were in a separate folder, and without looking up said "According to our records of your last term, and confirmation from your bank, you do not have enough funds to enter another term. In fact, if you haven't notice, part of the apparatus has already been removed."

Felix looked around at the machine next to the bed and recalled what it had originally looked like during his times waking up.
"Wha-....why didn't you tell me that in the first place?"
"It is procedure to do it this way. If we had given you everything at once, the results would be perilous."
Felix began to bare his teeth in anger again. "God damn it! Just hook me up agai-" As he was saying this, Felix had taken a step on the floor and, forgetting his sensitivity, screeched in horror at the floor.

"I am sorry Mr. Verilli, but it is not in my power to do so. Without any money, I'm afraid we have to leave you."
Felix glared in fury. "What am I supposed to do now! I can't even touch the floor without screaming! What do I do now!?"
"You were advised after each term to take some time off so to regain your senses. And all times you declined. It is not our responsibility to take care of you when you are not in the Program. We gave you fair warnings and you ignored them."
Felix made fists with his hands, and the mere pressure of his fingers into his palm began to ache his hands.

"You...You're monsters. How can you do this to another human being?"
The nurse stood up and walked over to him. "All of you patients are all the same." She raised her hand and swiftly smacked him across the face, leaving him screaming on the bed as if he were being tortured.

"Please enjoy the rest of your life, Mr. Verilli. If not for anyone, do it for yourself."

And with that the nurse left the room. The pain had sent such a shock to Felix's brain that he had passed out.

When he woke up, the rest of the machine was gone, and the beaten folder sat on the desk next to him. Felix looked to the ceiling. A warm tear seeped out of his eye and he laid listlessly.

He began imagining his Presidency, his wonderful Elaine, his loving caring parents, and his life working out for him. Felix lay and submerged himself in his own Program, created of his imagination.

Felix laid there until eventually he closed his eyes.