Ahhhh!! It's horrible!! I've accepted the fact that Stephen and I are just friends. He's a really nice guy, and I found I can be myself around him. Before I knew it, he became a new best friend that I knew I can always count on. When I needed a hug, he would be there. If I needed a place to stay, he always welcomed me excitedly. We would watch TV, finish each others sentences, and get along. Sure, we kissed a couple times, but come on! We're both adults. We knew our line, and stayed behind it. We joke around, and he sometimes tease me just to get a reaction. Sure, he feeds me occasionally too, but I always make sure to repay the favor by feeding him later. He eventually stopped asking to pay for things for me, I hate it when other people spend their hard-earned cash on me.
So we were falling asleep next to each other, and talked like we always do. It's like a slumber party like when your a kid, to be honest. Occasionally he says weird things like how he likes trying to get a reaction from me, and finds me beautiful. I know I'm pretty, so I just ignore it. He's naturally a nice guy, so I don't take him literally. So when he says he feels comfortable only around me, I just see it as a pick-up line he uses on girls. He does sleep around, so I ignore that too. In fact, it gets me wondering how many stupid girls fell for that bogus, cheesy line??
So I was scratching his head like I normally do (to be honest, it kinda reminds me of what mom use to do. I just scratch out the dead skin cells. Motherly instinct from the miscarriage, I guess >.> wink , when I think he said that 'I love it when you scratch my head'. I thought nothing of it, I love my head being scratched too. But then he just went tense, and when I looked at him he had this weird look of disbelief and shock like he couldn't believe he said it. I would've figured it was all in my head, except he moved away from me, pretended to be sleeping (he snores normally), and still can't look me in the eyes. Hell, he can't even stay in the same room!!
So that's my rant for now. Ugh, what is this, the twilight zone?? This is weird, why am I the one rejecting for once and wanting to stay friends, rather then the other way around?? When did it become like this?? I soo freaking pissed off at Stephen right now, he better not ruin our friendship just because he let the 'L' word slip once. It's not as if he said he loves me, he only said he loves how I scratch his head. I don't want our friendship to be ruined like this, so I'm going to do what I do best: confront him head-on about this! .... In about a week, I'm booked up this week. Geez, being an artist, going to school, looking for a new home, preparing for Hal-Con, and playing live-in maid for shelter really takes a toll out of a person. Another reason I don't want anything right now, I'm too darn busy!! Ta-ta for now smile
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