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Take the bone,
chew it clean,
tear the flesh and
drain the marrow.
Break it down to splinters.
Leave me empty inside.

I need to get out of here soon. Today has a been a bad day for day-dreaming. My mind has wandered to dark places and I am generally knee-deep in the sludge of it all.

New Years I went out to meet these people I knew way back when in Elementary School. It was nice to try something new and the people were totally my scene. It was all so normal and I felt a little strange to be stepping into that world. It literally felt like a light was being let in to my world of self isolation. Their brightness.

I didn't want to celebrate the New Year with only Christy because it would feel like I was moving on without Andrea. If Andrea had been the only one, it would have felt the same. I couldn't have done it with only Andrea either. I just... think it's special to have the two of them. They are a good balance and it means something comforting to see the two people I have known since i was in Kindergarden. We have known each other so long...

At the party I talked to this therapist lady and that probably set me off. Psh. Bummer. Before that I was already having the manic thoughts though. It's hard to control the mind when it does that. It just keeps repeating these images and desires that I shouldn't do like attacking someone's car, which was something I wanted SO BADLY that day. Foo. It was a day of good times, very good times but also bad omens. Did you see the moon? DID YOU SEE THAT ******** MOON?!