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journal or something like that!
The mind is a deceptive thing.
All my life i'v never though I was the purest being. Actually I though I was the most nastiest thing that could roam this earth. All my life all my life. The thought of my very being discusses me. I walk past mirrors full of a gut cringing hatred. My desire and selfishness sickens me. The desire for someone to love and except me just the way I am drives me insane. Delusions set in were I think i'm someone else when I know i'm not. I change myself for people. The thought of someone hating me, more then I already hate myself scares me. I watch and carefully calculate what to say next to please the person i'm conversing with. Trying my best not to make a fool of myself heh, but in the end I always do.
I slowly take off my clothes and look into the mirror with a empty stare. I'm on the edge of breaking. I take the razor blade and dig it into my flesh as much as I can go then...slice. I get into the shower and let my tears and blood mix with the water. I always end the day asking myself "why god? why the hell would you give life to such a selfish, ugly, stupid, nasty monster like me?"

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