I probably should do some art because I feel like I'm having a break right now. I feel like hurting myself and the other things I'm trying aren't working. I can't talk to anyone because it is so bad that I'm acting out. I am not behaving like myself and I only hate myself more when I am in a group conversation. I hate that I kill conversations and that I am useless. I hate that people in the group see me as this child or lesser person because I am socially awkward.
I'M SORRY. I HATE THE WAY I AM.
I wish that there was someone in my life that I liked right now. I honestly wish that the options that I do have were ones that I liked enough. The one that I have thought of making a move would only be for temporary and I hate that. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I should. I don't really give a s**t because I know it won't fill that hole.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE AN EMPTY HOLE IN MY, STILL?!
My therapist isn't helping and she has no idea what is going on now. I don't want to be with my brother because it won't help. It will only pass the time till I sleep. ******** SLEEP. ******** EVERYTHING. ******** SLEEP. I don't know what to do. I just feel so s**t s**t s**t ********.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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