Lines From Star Wars That Can Be Improved If you Substitute the Word Pants
1 A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master.
2 You are unwise to lower your pants.
3 We�ve got to be able to get some reading on the pants up or down.
4 She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment sown to retrieve them. See to it personally commander.
5 These pants may not look much, kid, but they�ve got it where it counts.
6. I find your lack of pants disturbing.
7 These pants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
8 Han will have those pants down. We�ve got to give him more time.
9 General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
10 I used to bulls eye wamp rats in my pants back home.
11 Tk-421� Why aren�t you in your pants?
12 Lock the door, and hope they don�t have pants.
13 Governor Tarkin. I recognised your foul pants when I was brought aboard.
14 You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gondar.
15 Luke� Help me take these� pants off.
16 Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
17 That blast came from those pants. That things operational.
18 Don�t worry. Chewie and I have got into pants more heavily guarded than this.
19 Maybe you�d like it better back in your pants your highness.
20 Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your Sister!
21 Jabba doesn�t have time for smugglers who drop there pants at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser.
22 yeah, well short pants are better than no pants at all, Chewie.
23 Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The empire have taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive
24 I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
25 You came in those pants? You�re braver than I thought.
You Can Tell When You're A Redneck Jedi When.....
1. You use the force to cheat at fishing, bowling and long distance spitting.
2. More than half the droids you own don't function
3. The number of blasters you own exceeds your IQ
4. You wonder why Luke and Leia didn't get married
5. You use the carbon freezing chamber to store the 78 wampas that you shot on holiday in Hoth
6. You don't like wearing a jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket
7. Sand people back down from your mamma
8. You've used Jedi Mind control to talk your way out of being breathalysed
9. You've strangled people with the force because they "weren't from round these parts"
10. You built your outhouse over the salaac
11. You argued with a jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid
12. A wookie told you that you needed to shave
13. You've wrecked a number of land speeders whilst trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber
14. You don't think Ewoks are primitive
15. You've gone AT-AT tipping
16. Jabbas guards think you have personal hygene problems
17. You think your lightsaber is the ultimate bug zapper
18. The Rancor refused to eat you until you had a bath
19. You discovered that your greatest enemy is in fact your father who also happens to be your brother and uncle.
Immediate Employment:-
Position Available immediately: Apprentice Sith lord, Dark Side Consulting Group
An unexpected vacancy has opened up in the dark side consulting group for an apprentice sith lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence with the force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.
Duties Include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands on intervention in support of the Sith masters planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and in operating a variety of laser powered hand weapons and high powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the dark side is also required, which may be performed using the force or hand weapons.
Qualified applicants would possess good communication skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in the study of the force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi arts from the university of Coruscant.
Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilots license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give into their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tracks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the force. ( a new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)
Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark coloured clothing allowance. The apprentice Sith lord reports to and works closely with the Sith master, and experience in such small team based organisations is vital to the success of the masters plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens. Applications will be accepted until the end of July.Transmit them to jobs@darkside.com
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Dark Side CG(tm) is a small and highly focussed organisation, founded a long time ago in a galaxy far away. our core values reflect the short term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organisations through knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on site intervention expertise. Our partnered organisations include the imperial senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine and many large software companies. Dark side CG (TM) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft.
Interview With Microsith
Darth Rich: Darth Fences, let me begin this interview by saying what a great honour it is to be here with you today.
Darth Fences: Thank you.
DR: Firstly, I'd like to ask how things are going with the company? How are your plans shaping up?
DF: Everything is going as planned. The Republic will soon be in my command.
DR: You have come under fire recently for your treatment of other software producers. What do you feel Microsith should do about it's competition?
DF: Wipe them out...all of them.
DR: Don't you think that's a little harsh? You are currently being investigated by the Senate for exploiting your market position. How does that make you feel?
DF: Good. I have the Senate bogged down in procedures. By the time this incident comes up for a vote, they will have no choice but to accept our control of the system.
DR: But things were looking pretty bad for Microsith at one point. What happened?
DF: Enter the bureaucrats, the true rulers of the Republic, and on the payroll of the Trade Federation, I might add.
DR: So lets discuss the competition you do have. The "Open Force" movement, lead by Linus Torvalds, is gaining popularity among many of your ex-users, especially academics. What about them?
DF: They have grown strong. Only together can we turn them to the dark side of the Source.
DR: But what about Universities? They use other, Light Side systems. How do you plan to deal with them?
DF: Move against the Admin first...you will then have no difficulty taking the Users back. Students are young and naive. I find controlling them not to be difficult.
DR: What of Richard Stallman?
DF: We have a new enemy - Linus Torvalds. He could destroy us. The Source is strong with him. The son of Torvalds must not become a Hacker.
DR: What if he were to work for you?
DF: Yes. Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?
DR: I doubt it.
DF: He will join us or die.
DR: But that's impossible!
DF: ...not for a Sith...
DR: But Linux will only grow in popularity...
DF: Perhaps you refer to the imminent release of RedHat 6.1? Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends. Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends out there in Durham... are walking into a trap. My Empire is quite safe from your pitiful little band. I have given NTie away free to everybody in every University in the Galaxy! Oh...I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
Ahem, sorry, getting my speeches mixed up again.
DR: Giving it away to everybody? Doesn't that create a monopoly? Is that legal?
DF: I will make it legal.
DR: I should have known. Only you could be so bold. The Senate will not stand for this, when they hear you've attacked they will retaliate in kind.
DF: The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Source.
DR: I can't believe I'm hearing this...
DF: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.
DR: You promised me an honest interview...
DF: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
DR: I'll never use your software.
DF: It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as Apple did. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.
DR: What about the claims that your latest Operating System won't be ready on time?
DF: Windows 5000 will be completed on schedule!
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