Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Hmmmm...
Idk.
I feel like I'm only in peoples' lives to make them happy. I wish someone could do the same for me. I really need some happy. I can't express anything through words and I need help. I just do.
Idk what's wrong. I'm just perpetually sad.
And when I want someone to talk to, there is no one.
I don't wish to talk with strangers over personal matters, but my friends never really seem to care or they fake it.
I sound extremely naive right now.
I'm not going to deny it.

I'm picking at my acne scabs to make them go away forever, only to make them last forever.
I bang my head against the wall to make me feel something other than sadness.
I picture myself in everyone else's successes to make myself feel accomplished and get somewhat angry when I realize it's not me.
I wonder what a day would be like if I weren't in such a disappointing body.
I wonder what life would have been like if I had done normal teenager things instead of being in my room the entire day waiting for something good to occur.

What would it have been like?
If I hadn't made myself the way I am right now.
I believe in alternate universes.
I'd kill to see the one with the most differences.
It would most likely be the best life to be living.

I don't want anybody to read this, but at the same time I want to know people have the opportunity to.
I want to crawl out of my skin.
I want to be out of my body and just hovering about my vessel whilst someone else is controlling it that can take care of any situation.
All of this is very cliche, but that's just the thing.
I hate myself when I do something like this, yet I feel like I make a difference.
I don't.

I have class in 5 hours.
I have to put on my 'meh' face and move on.
Existing is just the thing to do.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem…"
Stop, stop saying this. You make me feel like s**t whenever I think about it.
Read here.

I can't stress that enough.
Time to sleep and then exist. emotion_c8 mrgreen