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Left the ground
In black and white
And when the plane went down
the colors all around

I hosted a DDR tournament with my older sister Catherine last night at Lisa's Grad Night. It was really fun, but a lot of the people who signed up didn't really come back so it took way longer than it should have and ended up sucking a lot of fun from the actual game. The winners got cash prizes, though, so they deserve it just for staying and winning by default a few times.

And let me say that I was ITCHING to get it over with so that I could wander to other parts of Grad Night a little and...well...observe my 'knight in shining armor'

I just wish I knew, you know? I wish I knew whether or not I'm losing it. I wish I knew whether or not he liked me as a person before I left the high school and faded from his memory. I wish I knew where he was at almost all times so that I could see him whenever I wanted and feel more comfortable in eventually saying something. I wish I could just hug him tightly with him hugging me back and never let go.

I wish I knew...

Is it love? How long does love keep it's firm, unrelenting grip on one's heart? I know that platonic feelings stay for the first two years but has it been two years yet? Has it been two years since my pulse sky rocketed without warning when he walks into the room? Has it been two years since my lips suddenly formed into an unconcealable smile in the midst of depression after seeing him walk away in high spirits and whistling a tune? ...Has it been two years since I whispered these possible feelings to my friends, confirming that I was somehow becoming attatched to this man?

Has it been long enough...for me to be allowed to say "I love you"?

I...do I? Why do I hesitate to say it? Is it because what little logic I have left is still trying to prevent me from hurting myself? Is it because I really don't? Is it because...if I say it...will I be brought to tears because it's already too late to do anything?

My heart and mind are so entangled in this person. Sean...Do I? Can you tell me?

There were so many points. Do you? There were days where I might have thought that smile was because of me. Faint traces that I wasn't like all the others in your eyes. Could you tell me?

Do I love you?
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We came down to watch the world walk by
And all she found was trouble in my eyes
From the sky she pulled me down tonight
Let her go!
...Let her go...