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I need to do something about my jealousy. I do want to see people happy but if I continue letting my jealousy get in the way, it'll just hurt them and make them unhappy and in turn it make me unhappy. v.v I really love too much and really care too much and want to have them all to myself but it makes me selfish. I thought it was love that make me like this but I realize now that I'm selfish. I have to stop being selfish and become selfless. I want to see them be happy because in turn it please me very much. >.<; even if it wasn't caused by me but someone else instead. I know that also makes me selfish. >.<; I need to learn how to share too. So Jealousy, you listen to me... and listen to me very well. You cannot defeat me and destroy my beloved family. I will not let you. I am going to fight you and make you smaller than I am. I know you'll always be there inside me but I'm going to make you smaller and smaller until you are just a little dot of green light that will not take over me. I will ----WIN---- I am determined and I can get my mind in to it though I know I have my weakness from time to time. I will break down and cry from time to time when you show up and looks me in the eye and let me know that I'm envy of the precious and deep bonds and such love between true soulmates. I am grateful with everything that I already have. I have God and Jesus in my life. I have a rl family and also an online family of whom I both love and adore very very much and will never give up for anything in the whole world. I also have the roof over my head. I have food. Clothes. Etc. So I am GRATEFUL. I need to not let my inner demons win. They will hurt my family and myself if I let them win. So Jealousy, leave me alone and will not touch me again for the rest of my life -3- though I know you will come back time and again. I dislike you strongly. You always pain me and brings me to tears. I don't like crying over the things that I know would make them happy. I am grateful for them. I want them to be happy. I want to smile and stuff. Their happiness is very important to me. I hate seeing them down. >.<; So God and Jesus... give us all your strength and help us defeat our personal demons. They will not win. Amen.
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