EDIT... This one came out all nasty too...It has ? where ' and ... should be. And there's a lot of those in this one >___<
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I often wake in a cold sweat, or clamping my hand over my mouth to hold back a scream. Sometimes, I can�t wake up at all, and only manage if someone else wakes me. You see�I can�t let go. I�ve tried; oh how I�ve tried. But whenever I think I�ve freed myself, it comes back, re-sowing the seeds of the vision planted in my brain. I�m haunted�haunted by this memory�by all of these memories; sights, sounds, smells�even physical sensations. I can still see the red wetness, bright on the pure white of the snow; feel it on my hands�I smell it; taste it still�bitter and metallic. I hear them screaming�I hear their voices as they tell me to never come back, or they�ll kill me�Kill the monster�That�s what they call me�a monstrosity, a cold blooded killer�even though I am but a child at this time. But they were right: I was. But I didn�t choose to be. Nor was I forced. Rather, I had no control over my actions; possessed in the most literal of ways. It wasn�t my fault�
I�ve learned to control it as best I can�but it still comes for me, here, in my dreams; makes me relive the delirium of it all; the shame; the fear; the confusion, panic, pain�all of it. I sometimes wake with tears running down my cheeks; or with the feeling of being crushed; or unable to breath. Sometimes I feel invisible hands clasping about my throat�I wake, desperately trying to pry them off, to give myself air again�but nothing is there. I look about my room to see a door, windows, shelves�All I hear is silence; no screams curses, condemnations�I breath; I smell only the clean of my sheets, and my dog lying beside my bed, snoring softly; no bitter, metallic tangs to the air, no smells of cold and ice�the smells of home. I sigh, feeling safe, if only for a moment; all of the horrors seem far away�
�until I close my eyes.
