..... was cinda the same as the year befor only my grades droped...... i lost half my weight (by skipping every lunch)...... by then i had gotten used to the fact that i had changed (big time) and i would never be care free again..... i mean at first in (you know) first grade i tryed to fight it to try to be my old self again but it was to late to go back to sleep cause i was awake and didnt like what i saw..... i felt sorta superior to all the other kids (even the older ones) be cause i was much more mature then them and i felt 10 years older that what i realy was...... the times when i came of the medicen and was hyper once more i felt less and less cabible to even smile. i realy didnt see the point; i mean yea i had some P.E.P buddys who rejoyed when i came off my Meds. (as we like to call them) and i was able to be at least happier...... but as time wore on my (sponge like) personality soaked up this new habbit i had from day to day and no one could tell when i was on or off..... i would poor out my rage that came from fear cause i didnt feel human anymore and i thote there we no reason to live if that is the case onto my family and that cause ALOT of problems..... the only good that happened was i got a lunch buddy. she was a teen age girl who dressed casual all the time and who brought Jolly Ranchers for me (evedently jolly ranchers tured into my depression candy). and every day she would show up and i would leave the full table of my home room classes and sat with herand we would play card games. we werent friend...... but i felt a silent connection with her and i never wanted lunch to end. but she couldnt come on wedensdays (for some teen reason i never botherd to ask) thats why to this day i hate wedensdays. i also got into books for the first time in my life and i found them to be a most awsome way to destract myself from....... well..... me i supose is the way i sould say it. also that year a birds nest got knocked down and all the eggs died.... thats why i dont sit under trees anymore and also in the same week my favorat bench (which was under a tree) was taken away. that year i got my BIG blue puffy jacket and wore it all day every day (it got hot in there). that year i just how much i hate others but loved them just as much all at the same time. oh and i when to church camp type thingy that year (which is another reason why i HATE wedensday) the lady who drove me there was kind and stuff but she mad the most horrific cookies i have ever tasted. and the camp its self was ok i geuss but every time i want i was always pissed about something i thote was stupid or wrong or urge!! i made NO friends at my church cause i was allways in a state of RAGE (also a side effect from my Meds) and no one wanted to get the evil eye or get hit or screamed at that there a brainless a** who doesnt understand but just do what there told!!!! or what there supose to feel or beleve of URGE!!!!! then 3rd grade comes round....
inutasha89 Community Member 
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