It's been a while since I fiddled with this... I can't believe how much I've changed as a person over the years. The oldest entries I last saw on here were from 2009-2011... And they were frightening.
I'm not even saying this to try and be dramatic, they really were absolutely frightening to read. One of the entries was describing a nightmare I had, which I rather not go into the details but it was dark... Not the nightmare, but what I had to say about it.
It was about my ex boyfriend leaving me for someone else.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I was in a relationship with someone that was really manipulative. He played my insecurities like it was an instrument and I found myself always on edge whenever he mentioned girls texting him. Sometimes I wondered why he'd always bring up girls texting him and how he "knew" they wanted to sleep with him... I think he liked the attention and wanted me to be jealous. However, whenever I'd get upset at him for being unfaithful (he's admitted to sleeping with one of my closest friends and two other girls near the end of the relationship), he'd turn it around on me and I'd end up apologizing and begging him not to leave me.
Then I had that nightmare, but what I had to say about it on here... Online... Was disturbing... I got to see into who I became during those dark four years...
I can say now that I understand why I was losing friends and why I have almost PTSD-like moments with my new, current relationship... It just explains a lot.
All I can say is, I'm really glad I'm not the same person I used to be.
· Fri Jul 13, 2018 @ 06:17am · 0 Comments