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As I reflect on the flash

I keep wondering why my body did what it did


So maybe, I'll go ahead and list some things I've been trying to forget.

I've been:

-Whipped with wires, belts, metal, and ropes

-Tied to a post for 5 hours

-Hung from a tree, no other kids telling the adults what was done

-Kicked to the ground and soiled upon

-Sprayed with ice cold water while being yelled at

-Trapped under a bed and spat on for hours... I couldn't tell how long it'd been

-Purposely pushed hard from a swing, flew off and had the air knocked clean out
once again, left to suffer alone

-Given a valentine with rocks in the candy box, and laughed at.

-Yelled to a fetal position in a corner

-Punched square in the nose for telling the truth

-Framed for theft

-Ganged up on by younger siblings, room trashed, computer wiped, desk vandalized

-Publicly humiliated in front of 3 classrooms by teachers, labeled class clown

-Wrestled to the ground running away from another student

-Singled out from final performance, because the daughter of the choreographer didn't like me

-Denied the chance to become a traveling dance troupe member by parents

-Blackmailed into an abusive relationship for four years with some sick guy who liked making me cry, by getting close to my father...


I'm sure there's more... but trying to think of reasons of why I'm so effed up in the head, it's so tiring....

The doctor told me that such things being repressed, was not healthy, but I have no idea how to just "forget" things like this.

Well, soon I'll be alone, and will have plenty of time to think about it.