This year was my first year in high school and I appreciated it. I thought and I was sure that no fun will happen and no friendship will exist between the other students in my class and me. Weird I was right for half of this year and wrong for the last 5 months. Well I learned to be a more independant person. Unlike in grade 6, I had no real friends and I was mostly alone all the time. I thought I was the only one being in this kind of situation. But no, everyone was. It's as if no one wished to develop a friendship. So yeah... I was still alone until like February and then the thing started. A random girl from my class came over me and asked me: Why are you always alone?--I answered her that it was because no one likes me or else I wouldn't be alone like this. She said: if I didn't like you, then I wouldn't be talking to you right now.
Hahaha I was happy to hear that. Hopefully someone cares about me. But still, it is so different from the other years in Elementary school. I mean, I cared about a lot of people and a lot of people cared about me. The girl who actually cares about me figured out that I wasn't trusting myself at all. One day, we got a talk together and she helped me gain my faith again. This random girl was the only one able to do that. I was so surprised. I feel bad I don't help her in anything. I can see that she really cares about me but I... have a feeling that I don't care about her as much as she does for me. Is it because of the selfishness I've developped during the first months? It's so stupid that I think that all I care about is games and my Gaia friends. Why don't I care as much about me and my real life friends? Something is really wrong with me. I once told someone that all I wanted was my friends' happiness and I could careless about mine. I wanted to be a selfless person but it wasn't like what I wished. People told me that in my heart, I must think about me first, then anything I want. It ain't like this in my heart. I'm not even one of the things in my heart. I wish I acould be like the person I was once. But... what person am I talking about? I don't remember having been a different person than now. It's not true that I am selfless. Somehow I am still so selfish.
What can I do to care about me first and more? I would like some tips to make myself more careful towards myself.
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