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I haven't done anything today but I'm still tired. The air is dry mayhap (making my eyes dry which is like feeling tired... ya know...).

I spent a really long time trying to figure out what that neat new shirt was I saw someone wearing today, and it turned out that it was the new shirt from the Casino. Mmm I want one. The ties are kinda cute, too, I suppose.


Scary moment: I saw this dumpy girl at Walmart and went eek because I thought she looked kind of like me (inner monologue: "MY TWIN! EWW! *cries inside*" wink while OBJECTIVELY, she was about 30 lbs heavier, her hair was messier, etc etc (other things too), at the time I thought "homg, that's just like me. I need ... PRODUCTS! crying " so I went and bought this moisturizing soap among other things. It smells nice. Even now I can't help but think that that must be how I look to other people, except that she had this confidence that I lack, so I'm even worse. But the scariest thing was that I was standing on the book aisle looking for "Dance of Death" or whatever it's called by Preston and Child, the sequel to the book I'd just finished, "Brimstone." And my twin was standing there searching for a book, too, and the girl's mom who was standing there goes "Hurry up, it's not here. What's it called again? "Brimstone"?" And really, you should have seen the look on my face. I was really really scared. gonk

Upon rereading that it sounds a little superficial, but I think we're hypersensitive to other people who display the same annoying traits we ourselves have, and the annoying trait I was tuned into with that girl was her inattention to personal appearance and grooming which I happen to share and which tends to make me feel bad. But usually when I'm looking at products (makeup, hairstuff, etc) or clothes I tell myself that it's a hopeless effort anyway and so I don't buy anything. "Yeah, that'd look nice on someone thin, but it'd look stupid on me." or "Makeup only goes so far, what I need is plastic surgery." sweatdrop I remember the first time I ever thought that way was Fall School Clothes Shopping the summer before 6th Grade -- I tried on a skirt and literally grimaced at myself because I thought I was too fat for it (I was 5'2" and weighed 104 lbs). I got over it -- I don't know how... or why... -- and never thought about it again until the summer after 7th grade, and then I've kinda been thinking that way ever since -- although I'm taller and weigh a lot more now than I did then xd

Very Deep, Embarassing Secret: One of the first things I'm going to save up for when I graduate from college and start working as a pharmacist? (Nose job 3nodding ) I don't even care if I need it or not, I'm not going to be happy until I have one. Although, you know my personality type is supposedly at risk for being addicted to plastic surgery. I saw an Oprah episode about a woman who was addicted to it. It was sad because she was actually pretty before and took it way too far, to the point of "weird looking."

Not so embarassing secret: One of the other things I'm going to save up for? A horse for my mom and a trip to Amsterdam for my dad biggrin