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well today I just couldn't get enough pain. really! I wanted more pain!! I was trying to cause as much possible to myself so that I didn't hurt anyone else but no matter how hard me or anyone else hit me I would only feel very short bursts of pain! I wanted it to hurt like I was dying or something similar at least but I just couldn't get that to happen!! mad will someone please try and hit me hard because I don't want to feel anything anymore. I just want to let all my worries be put into someone elses hands. everyone who talks to me just makes it worse because they either aggrivate me more or just make me feel worse. cuz then I have to deal with the fact that I was over-reacting more than I should have been. if you had all the drama that I had right now though you would think the same. and don't tell me to save the drama for my momma cuz I don't even live with her! scream she cares the most about me but she doesn't understand me. nobody does. I am just a complcated person who doesn't even understand herself and can't control the feelings that she's kept bottled inside of her for her entire life without leaking a word of it to anybody but herself
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