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As bit by bit, it starts the need... โช
| Mood: Chatty ๐ฆ | Weather: Sunny Partly cloudy โ๏ธ |
โโบ๏ฝกหโหโงโโฝ โฏ โพโโงหโห๏ฝกโบโ
I did my room all sorts of changes, well just my side of the bed room. I went with a galaxy, celestial theme.
  
My sister bought me most of these things, because I am still searching for work. It is true I have a "job" but it goes to entire rent, and it makes me a little miserable. But sometimes you have to do that in order to survive, and I do it to help my parents-As they do not have income themselves. Sometimes I hate how the world works on this concept, we were all born into a world where we think we will graduate from highschool, go to college, and have our own life.
Well mine never went like that. It all made more sense to me, when I actually finished college. You can't get anywhere with a degree unless you had connections, something I failed to have-a network. It was just me and the hopes someone advocated for me, so I can enter a space to prove my worth. People will quote you on experience, or official backgrounds-but not all of us have those things, we may have those talents! But not on paper.
I am great with office type of work, data entry, but some places need to see it on paper. Which I do not have, and you can try to wedge in your experiences as most retail jobs do data entry like digital shopping ( a department I was from ). Yet, most companies won't even cut you slack for utilizing those skills, in spaces like retail-most companies look for other competitor spaces.
Life seemed dimmed for a time being, and along the way I begin to lose belief in myself. AI had taken control of applications, so my job hunt has became even more so aloof. I cannot compete with others, or the technology anymore. Even in my art passions. Not even basic retail chains, will take me in-because of the over qualifications. If you were paid more at a competitor, and had leaderships-They will see that as a "Oh, we don't want them to ask for more here, or think they can climb corporate ladders here." Yet, I still smile. Because something, or someone gots to give.
I think that is why even though I like my goth aesthetics, I started to dip into astrology aesthetics. Because often, I feel different from other people, and the world itself.
I like space, for this reason.
๐ You can be up there, and no one will notice you-judge you, misunderstand you. You can just be still. It is beautiful, vivid full of colors, and elements! Yet still its all wonderful. We don't judge it, we want to learn more about it. I envy space. I wish we treat each other with curiosity, and love-than indifference.
I will always love the color black, and feel the need to clad myself in it. But perhaps, I want to become softer in my heart. I got tired of masking myself to fit in norms, in the end.... I just want to be myself.
Love out loud, like people out loud, and not be afraid to be bold.
I am not afraid to try, because I don't want to lose out on opportunities.
We have this one life, and I am just a spec in the universe-blessed with freewill.
I can in the very least, be bold.
So! One of the new aesthetics I see myself doing, is maintain my love for mysterious black, but also adorn myself in galaxy celestial items.
its spiritually, liberating ๐ well that, and therapy.
I love my therapist, she helps me build on interpersonal spaces-understand why I move the way I move, or feel the way I feel. I spent my whole life being told I care too much, cling too much. I do not regret how things happened in my life, it all led me to this point. All of it brought me to a space where I met new people, and tried new things.
๐Who am I, if I am not to continously have a phase of my own?
๐If I am to stay still all the time, maybe that is not the goal... but to always move.
๐Until you feel whole again, or when you need to just hide for a while.
๐So that when you do show yourself, you naturally gravitate torwards things you love-just like others to you.
๐Sharing amongst each other is the wonderful thing we can do as people. Like two sides of a moon.
๐ Then just like the phases you become, you also share phases with others.
๐Thats what ultimately makes the galaxy so wonderful right? Because down here on earth, we too have a system of people, nature, life cycles.
I want to never stop believing in myself.
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 Seri Dreams · Mon Dec 23, 2024 @ 10:54pm · 0 Comments |
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