A smile upon a girl seen by a boy with wandring eyes. A blush rises in their cheeks. Could it be love at first sight? Perhaps, but this isn't their story, this is mine.
My story contains a little romance with a dash comedy, but mostly it contains drama. The drama that is called life. The drama from which not even death can allow you to escape. But first a few detail are required.
One thing that bears being told foremost is that I am a prisoner of my pain. My suffering is continual. It pains me to tell you that most of this pain is self inflicted. Ah, but allow me to explain. I am so used to dealing with pain of one sort or another, so now when I begin to get well, my body goes automatically into making something go wrong with me. Therefore, I am often in a self inflicted torture.
Moving on from there allow me to also explain that I also tend to mentally torture myself more than St. Augustine. As to why I do this, well, if I knew that, I would have stopped a long time ago. Mostly I think I do it out of fear.
Yes, ladys and gentlemen fear. That thing which lies heavy on many a persons conscience. That thing that wakes you up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night screaming. That which stops love and kills many a dream. That which stops many of us from doing many a thing.
Some fear rejection, while others fear being alone, and some fear love itself. I refuse to lie and so admit that I suffer from all three. And that is part of what has gotten me to where I am now. I fear that due to my physical health that others will reject me and that I will always be alone, but on the other hand I fear love and so my body does many a strange thing to push people away. Between my physical and my mental problems, its no wonder I often lonely.
Ah, but happiness. Happiness is something I long to experience. I have experienced until I was blinded by tears. Yet often it seems that this comes to me so far and few in between. So often I make the most of it. Even if it means making the most of nothing. Sometimes, the wonderful things in life really are the simplest.
Smile every chance you get, but only if its true. A fake smile only clouds and pollutes the world of lies a little more. But a true smile... Well, honestly to see it would bring one to my face. Things in this world seem far too often fake. But that is a story for a different day.
Memior one complete
F.A.
Sugu Community Member 
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