Yes for once a journal entry about me.
I feel ******** up lately.
Life has been horrible.
Almost every story I've written in the past is based on one guy. And even now I can't talk about him.
I held onto him as well as we could but one night a bad thing happened between us both and well yeah.. We broke up.
Then about a month later, trying to get myself back together, I met someone. He was sweet, a gentleman to me, but I lost my virginity to him. It might've not been the smartest thing. And now I don't know, I just feel used. Everyone I know says he wants to be with me but he can't, I just don't know what to believe.
I'm usually the one who keeps my pain close to me and listens to others but for this I'm going to ******** scream if I have to.
Chas and I were almost a year relationship, best thing that happened to me and the hardest thing to get over. But now, I'm not even an aqcuaintance to him. I'm not a virgin.
I know his reasons I understand it but I didn't do this to hurt him.
I wanted to be free and one thing led to another. I just wish I could ******** cut my heart out right now. My tears are making me misspell on this bloody keyboard but if you don't hear from me in a while I'm sorry.
I'll be better, I just need time.
My life is hell right now, might be my opinion only but God. I miss how it was. I miss how happy I could be from one voice, how one thing was always in my head, how one phote made life all happy. I want to go back to that but I can't. My life is ruined in my views from one thing.
The sad thing is that I haven't ever stopped loving him, he's always been the best thing in my life, and even now I still want to be with him. I just can't. Just don't know now. I want to die.
I've always wanted to live to it's fullest, now how can I?
I'm too depressed right now so if you do pm me please try to make me happy. Life is a b***h right now..
Her Maserati Community Member 
|
|
Community Member