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I can't help thinking about it. I've been thinnking about it a lot. about him. about how he left. I miss him. He was just our youth minister, but he was close to all of us. he was always there for us when we needed him. He would let us barge into his house, and eat his food and all that good stuff. I can't describe what it felt like to hear him say goodbye, but it kinda hurt. And right now the thing I want right now more than anything in the world is to see him again, To hear him preach. I wish he was still o ur youth minister, but he moved on and he's got new kids now. And that's what God wants, but I can't help wishing that he had never left. And I've been struggling lately. And I need to talk to him about it. I need to hear him give his advice. he's honest and everything he says is helpful. I just wish he were here to talk to. I can call him, and I will, but it's not the same as talking to him face to face you know? And I never realized how much I appreciated him until he told us he was leaving. But I miss him. And I've been thinking about it so much and I just keep getting more and more anxious and upset becuase I know, no matter what I do, I can't just go see him. I can't drive to Tennessee, my parents won't take me, and no one is going to take me to see him. So I'll just have to deal with the fact that I can't see him, but it's hard when you miss someone so much. Maybe it would have been better if I had never opened my heart up to accept him and let him be so close a friend, but I know I couldn't have done that if I tried becuase he was always there to help us when we needed it most. I just didn't think he would ever leave. my mistake, I should have realized it. But I'm sorry for this entry being so stupid, I just had to write it somewhere, and if I put it on my myspace, there's the chance that Rodney could read it and I don't want him to know how sad I am. becuase he's happy where he is and he has no reason to feel guilty. He's where God wants him.