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18.

Everyone had left just moments ago… It’s 9:05 PM right now and I’m waiting for Niota to call me back. My heart just wants to explode with grief, sadness, tears, relief, and just everything that’s been locked away for so long. For my history final I got a 128/130 pts which is a 98%!! I spent $40 at Crossroads and Dairy Queen. Next time we’re going to go to McDonalds or Burger King man, Crossroads is expensive! xD Everyone had to leave because it’s the day before Christmas Eve, and that kinda sucked…

I got a 72% on the final in math, and now I’m finally done with math…

Around 1:30 we retired to my room and I sent her to bed because she wasn’t feeling good. Then she had become I guess the word for it would be ‘overwhelmed’ with the pain in her chest & stomach from coughing so much plus anything else swimming in her mind. She just couldn’t say and I never wanted to let go. Then I told her to cry even if she doesn’t’ want to say, because sometimes there are some things that are just too hard to say, or do... And I know this all too well… But then she said, “Sad I may be, but I’m happiest with you… and Kamen is a close second.”

I felt so happy, and lucky. I just wish I could say that I loved her… That’s how I feel, but I wouldn’t want to say something and make things awkward, you know? But society usually doesn’t tone well with the feelings I have for her. I mean, what if we’re talking about two different kinds of loves? That would just be too much to bear-I don’t want to surrender her in any way shape or form – or to anyone else for that matter….

We played clue a few times, and then they played it again while we played tales of symphonia. We also played Life twice, and all of those times I lost. It’s really fun... I still have some dishes that I need to do so I don’t have to hear Wendy complain about it. I want to play Sims with Julie too, but I’m seriously not in the mood, but I do feel sorry...

Still, I’m tired of being strong. I want to be weak and fall into the arms of my beloved and cry into her shoulder without any worry or doubt. I’m tired of shedding tears and living in regret that bleeds into endless sorrow.