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Well, last night at work there was this creepy ******** guy at work. I had forgotten to get his order done, so he decided to wait until AFTER the snack bar was closed to remind me. I was in a panic. I told an MOD that a guy needed his money back. But the MOD was busy, so I had to tell the customer to wait. So I continue cleaning and as I move from one side of the snack bar to the next, the guy dose the same. I was really starting to freak out. Luckly my mom was there and she made sure the MOD got things taken care of easier. I feel bad for Ron though( the MOD) becaseu he was taking crap from a bunch of drunks.
But it made me think. Was that a warning from Aura that I am being bad? Did I do something wrong. i hope I am not being warned to stay away from someone. It makes me worried that I demand to much from Zach. I feel so rotten right now it isn't even funny. Maybe him buying me that Ramune was too much. I didn't ask him to do anything, I only invited, and the Ramune he decided all on his own to buy it for me. But I guess I can't really get away with anything. I shoiuld apologize for bieng so demanding. I feel demanding and controlling now. Yeah, he only bought me one thing, but I can't help but feel really guilty about it. I have a very consious and it is so powerful it punishes me.

I also have a bad feeling that Zach's first love will show up soon. i don't know why. This scares me because what if old feelings return and he goes to her? sigh. I'm being selfish. i'll just let him go. I may cry tears of blood and not want to love every again, but I need to make sure he's happy and I can't stop him if he changes his heart.

It never was about me. I should be making him happy, not making myself happy in this relationship. If I allow him to give me anymore, Aura will surely punish me. she already warned me last night. It was only a warning.

why do I always fill up with guilt so easy. i think I am cursed.