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My heart is nothing but black,
But it wants to love you
it taints your white aura
And scares you away.

Full of envy, I am undeserving
of the one who tries to end that.
Your efforts are there
but the beast inside dosen't seem to care.

The anger comes unnoticed, like a ninja on my roof
Suddenly jumping out and stabbing you in the heart
I want to kill that part of myself for what it did to you
Maybe if I hurt myself it will go away

But that is not the answer.
I can fall off a cliff and die and the mother goddess with only lower her head
cut my wrist and she will glare
Have someone kick my a**
and I will be pittied for my pathetic attempt at gaining worth.

Why must I take a great thing and screw it up.
I have dreamt of you since my child hood days
Waiting by window wishing upon a star For that one special person.
That person was you and instead of excepting,
I smack you in the face.

You've tried so hard to see me smile
You've shown your love in many ways
But my blind envy toward the flaming one
and toward the distant past keeps me from seeing.

I guess I can hurt myself to be forgiven
slam my head against the wall,
but I'd become stupider.
Stab myself in the stomache,
But that would be suicide and an insult to her most high.

I can smoke my life away,
But then I couldn't run away from everyones wrath
without collapsing and taking the beating.
but wouldn't that be punishment as well
But then I wouldn't live to tell the tale of my wrongs.
I can OD on pills, but then I couldn't make things right.
And whats worse is if I hurt myself at all
I'd only break your heart
The very thing I wish I wouldn't do
Any more than I already have.


But fate will have different plans I can see this already.
I must run away from her
The wrath of the Gods will not yeild for this chaotic wench
An aura so black it aches within every inch of my parameter.
Anyone who is nearby wishes to run away.
This chaos destroys all order
Aura will you be my strenth?
But I am no longer of twighlight
A rejected child of her divine rule
She will never take me back will she?

Who could forgive this dark soul?
This unsatisfied fat cow who eats and eats and never gets full.
I consume all, who could love me?
Even Urd leans over me, her curves towering above me in her fiery wrath
I run from shards of lightning, running for shelter.
Oh no! She is not alone, for even the Goddess of purity stains her soul to punish this wench for her deeds.
I run as fast I can down this dark dangerous alley
To be surprized by the Goddess of joy and creativity,
who for once frowns upon this one soul who failed at life
Failed at love.

Not even her most hight could forgive me.
She with her consort glare at me like angered parentals
I have disobeyed, I have screwed up
Now I shall pay in this prison
As I cry in my bedroom, soaking my pillow with my tears of blood
This pain for the one I loved most
whom I hurt for my own selfish gain.
This envy, this wrath.
This selfish need to be something more
Should be taken out on the world
Never on you.