I have found some comfort in posting in my journal. A everyday blog type thing that I definately need now, whether people read this or not, doesn't really matter. As long as I am getting that one thing I need and that is to get it all out.
Today was a well, normal day. Up at 7 with Tristan, quiet for the most part. Better then the past week, which has been total hell with sick kids, whiny friends, a bitching mother-in-law and then the news that it's okay for my husband and children to live here, but my mother in law wants me out because of my animals. Well, to make a long story short. Friday, I got an eviction notice stating that I had to get rid of my animals by the 20th, or we would be kicked out, more like she was saying or I would get kicked out. Well, I called her and she made it like i had no choice, she wasn't going to listen to me, then pulled the whole, if I got a job and cleaned my house crap on me, like I am a bad mother. I wanted to scream and I sort of did I guess in a low voice and said fine, I am gone and I am taking my children with me. Like I wouldn't. I bet she thought I wouldn't take my children with me. Anyway. I have to get rid of my dog anyway. I don't want to, of course I don't. He might be a pain in the a** sometimes, heck what animal wouldn't be when you have two small children? But I don't want to just put him in some pound. I just found myself in my own world, upset and crying and no support from my husband who didn't say anything but something negative till I was hysterical and calling my mother to come and get me, somehow, someway, so I just didn't have to be here anymore. Well after I relaxed, after I slept and stopped shaking and just got pissed off, I went to bed, only to wake up the next morning and clean. I cleaned so much I cleaned every crack and crevice, until they all shined. BY the time I finished I was exhausted and the pain in my side and back came back, and I was so sick I couldn't stand up straight. By 9 o'clock I was knocked out, and I slept till I woke up at 7 this morning. I guess the fight was never finished, things just keep on becoming my fault. Still I feel like it's me against the world. So give or take a few weeks, I will be packed and on my way to stay on my sisters couch or my other sisters floor, until I can get a job, most likely waitressing to save up for my own place. A place without my husband, A place all by myself, that maybe eventually I might get to come back here when my husband owns it rightfully, or if he decides to eventually have enough money to move my things and come with me. Sad thing is I have to sell the few things I own to afford to even go somewhere else and help other people to take care of my children while I bust my a** for all this. And in the end the fight was for nothing because I still have to get rid of my dog. Grand news isn't it.
So if Velvet seems a little pissed off! If I seem to snap or tell every one they are acting like babies about their small little problems, I appoligize now, because seriously, I don't feel sorry for a damn person.
To think a few weeks ago, my husband and I were certain we were getting a seperation and now we are being forced into one. We finally decided after weeks and weeks of fighting and crying that we were going to stay together and we are being driven apart by who else. His mother.
Well I am out,
Velvet
Community Member