I find myself in a flurry of confusion. Never certain whether my mind is stable or not, or if at any moment, I might break away and just shatter completely. I checked my mail this morning and to my surprise, my Dark half is leaving gaia. If it were not for the beautiful ability of email and myspace, I would have been totally upset and depressed. In this time I know that everyone grows out of this place, or time and space, just doesn't allow for us to continue. Sometimes I also know that life is a stubborn bull that stares you in the face and never allows you to enjoy the quiet, fun moments, Gaia or any other online time consuming site might bring.
So to my Darkness. I love you! Forever you will be with me on our cloud of Golden and Black, floating high above as sisters of the clouds, the Angel and the demon. Together. I do not take your leave from gaia a meaning to an end that we will never be able to chat together. I just see it as something you have to do.
For everyone else. My husband stayed home from work this morning with a stomach flu. Sometimes I enjoy the sick days he takes, this way we get to lay together and sleep. I cherish those moments, because the more my mind relaxes the more I think of how soon, I will not be here anymore to lay in his arms and enjoy the warmth of his body. Last night I couldn't help but think of everything that will be happening when I leave, and what if everyone doesn't want to help me, or I am at a place where it's uncomfortable, and I can't control what happens. I am so sure at this moment I might just fall away from this world in total and utter confusion and exhaustion. Or that the year will take it's toll and my marriage that I have been working so hard to obtain and keep solid, will no longer be mine and I will be alone, with just my children.
More shall be left here, reminders that I have not left forever.
Velvet
