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DEATH

i enter the cemetery.
i look down at all of the gravestones,
and it makes me sad to see how many there are.
i find your grave quickly,
i remember from the last time i was here.
i see your name,
carved into the stone.
i didnt bring flowers, because they will die.
instead i brought the teddy bear
you gave me a year before you left.
i didnt bring a prayer book, either.
what i wanna say to god cannot be written down.
i close my eyes and silently pray from my heart.
i dont use words, i just tell god how i feel.
the wind blows around me, through me.
i feel cold. the cold comes from the gravestone.
its hard to believe whats inside of it was once
so warm,
so alive.
my eyes are still closed.
i am numb from the cold.
i dont feel anything.
not my fingers,
not my legs,
and not the pain.

but later that night,
as i lie in bed after a long day,
i feel all three.
especially the pain.
i wipe my tears but its pointless.
they keep coming and they dont stop.
they are full of the pain i kept inside.
full of anger at the whole world.
full of lonliness and fear.

i think of the cemetery,
all of those graves spread out under me.
some from years and years ago,
and some that were put there only yesterday.
and the scariest thing is,
thats where i will end up too.