Quote:
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.--M. Scott Peck
Six months since I left my house, my family, my friends, my pets. Six months since I left the Pacific Ocean, the Cascade mountains, the earthquakes and seagulls. Six months since I last walked Washington streets, and lived with anxiousness and fear of the unknown. Six months since I stayed home every day, without the hug or kiss my soul was crying for. Six months since I took to the air, flew across the country and entered a familiar, yet new world. gonk blaugh
Sure, there's been a whole load of suffering, and I always tend to attribute that solely to myself. But I know Tyler hasn't been 100% happy about this wild ride either....I can and seem to have developed into a whiny, selfish, evil brat.
I miss the morning Pm's...where I used to be able to tell Tyler, at length and detail...all the things he did that made my heart and soul sing. I could pour my feelings to him, and he'd reply in a similar way. Now, we are so busy, it's hard to find the right time and moment to be so free minded, to share that delicacy of the spirit. It made me feel whole, content and up to date...it allowed him to be brutally honest and sincere. I want that back, in words I can see and meditate on, so that I may improve.
Tyyler, I love you so much. I've failed terribly recently in expressing this properly, but I want you to know it's still there and stronger then ever before. I bet at times that's really hard to believe, but the difficulties, the tears...they've made things clearer and purer than in the beginning. Unconditional love, I am working on it, because I know you're not getting enough.
I love how we can be laying around doing nothing on the bed or couch, and all of a sudden you'll take a sock off, or find one on the floor and throw it at me. A barrage of flying white and gray cloth, back and forth, usually with missiles coming from me entirely missing you, the target. I love sock fights, even when you pin me down and try to shove them in my mouth. Honestly, I'll eat your socks any day. Thats something I've loved during the six months I've been here. I especially love getting you back by aiming for your mouth with the same sock you tried stuffing down my throat. twisted
I love walking with you places, in the extreme, humid hot of the summer and into the freezing, finger-hand-face-everything-numbing cold of winter. Whether it's to Wal-Mart or a bus-stop, back to your house, 7-11 or somewhere entirely new, the time we have to talk is precious to me. I especially love the fact that I get to be seen walking hand-in-hand with you. I am terribly proud to be the one you selected from the great mass of New Jersey...a girl all the way across the country, from the foreign, strange world of Washingtonia....even though I'm Mormon and your Catholic, and your sexy and I'm just never going to be on par with you. I won't say I'm ugly, cuz you always throw back something I believe in...about loving yourself is the only way to properly love someone else. I do know that to be true....I think you notice how badly I treat you/don't give you what you deserve.....haha...that's because I suck at loving myself most of the time.
But back to the point. I love the simple fact that I am yours alone, and always have been.
I love it when we are dying of hunger together, have no money and have a house full of random food items. I love how we scavange the things we tolerate, gather them up and create...fire...
I remember our hot-dog slices and mustard sandwhich. It was so good. xd xd xd and just yesterday how we made animal shape cookies, and that Konoha...I really hope you liked it, I wanted to do a better job. We make nice simple meals and nummy little cakes
I love how we can lay together, watch movies, snuggle and just enjoy one another. I'm glad they you personally enjoy doing so with me, and I really love watching you sleep....you do some pretty interesting things when you sleep, all of which I know you are familiar with. It's actually been a while since I could enjoy that with you, and I really miss those times. Maybe I'll shoot you with a tranquelizer gun and stuff. Yah!
I love going to school with you. It's something I always dreamed of doing, and always got really sad about not having been able to grow up with you. To finally be able to see who you really are, enjoy your quirks and clever ideas....to learn about your most secret, silly, crazy habits and facts....that's something I couldn't get being far away, and I love learning new things from you.
You are the sweetest guy on earth, and I've seen that from so many of the selfless things you do for me and your family. The desire to share, make things fair even when everyone else likes the chaos..(it seems). I can't wait to get money from this job, I so earnestly admire how you work every day you can, and go to school and still do well. I look up to you a lot Tyler, remember that. If anything I learned from the past 6 months, it's how incredibly hard working and diciplined you are, and how I need to be more like you. I wanna get you nice gifts, I wanna share all I enjoy, with you....I'm sorry I'm so clingy and want to be with you all the time...it's just, I have SO much fun with you, and admire you, and miss you too much when we are apart. really! But I'll back off, because you need and deserve space and free time to play Warcraft. But even like that I wish I could join you on your adventures...I know I could play alone...but thats no fun. Yah, theres some things I miss about being home, but nothing beats the gained memories and moments of being at your house
Tyler, you are EVERYTHING I've EVER wanted, and truly, SO much more than I could have ever expected. You've taught me so much in such a short space of time, and offered me a future I had never dreamed of experiencing. I can't explain all the great things you've shown me through...when I was freaking scared, angry, confused, overjoyed, excited, anxious.....everything...you've kept your promises, done what you could to improve yourself, and been the shining example to everyone. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life, and eternity with you. I just pray to god that you are as eager to do that with me, because I could never even compete with your awesomeness. whee whee whee whee heart heart heart heart heart I LOVE YOU FOREVER TYLER WETMORE!
