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Damn...
I scare myself. o.o
xD
I was looking through old files on my computer... and I find really weird story-like things that I've written in the past.
There's one that makes no sense. I... don't even remember writing it... it was so long ago. Dx
It's not exactly a story... not a poem... not a song. Just words. >.> Weird words. I shall post it! xD
And really scare you. >.>
Or... at least somewhat disturb you. o.o
xD
Actually... probably nothing at all... you can just move on with life, and nothing will have changed. <.<
So here's a chance for my invisible readers to see how poor my writing skills are~
Well... I wrote this so long ago, it doesn't really count anymore, but mreh...
Note the fact that though it's written in the first person, it isn't about me. I just like writing stories in the first person sometimes. And I don't quite get the format either... so... we'll just have to live with it. Not going to change anything... 'cause I don't know what I was thinking when this was written... o.o
Oh so long ago~
Yesh, I am stalling. Afraid to post it. xD But fine...
Cry When You Are Happy and Smile When You Are Sad
Long since forgotten am I.
Sitting alone in my room, desperately trying to find a meaning.
But alone I remain, and finding I am not.
But I am just fine.
Inside I start to melt away into a nothingness that will remain of my soul, but I am fine.
I will be fine, in time to come.
I will always be fine.
So why do I cry?
Maybe these are tears of emptiness, trying to fill the void.
Or maybe I cry because of an endless sorrow I am forced to endure.
But I think these are tears of happiness.
Happiness that I am feeling in my heart.
A happiness I cannot explain.
A happiness with no source, for everything around me crumbles.
I cry, but it is because I am so happy that I still walk among everyone else.
I am happy I have not ended all the pain the quick and easy way.
I am happy I haven't given up.
But most of all, I am happy that I have friends who care about me.
Long since forgotten I thought I was.
I thought I was gone.
Blown away in the wind with the dust of the past.
But time told a different tale, and I have realized my error.
I have not been forgotten by anyone but myself.
I let go of who I really was and sunk into a hole that I couldn't climb out of.
The walls were made out of glass from my fractured hopes, and cut my hands.
The bottom of this pit was made out of nails from what have been hammered into my heart time after time, and pierced my feet.
So I let myself bleed until one fateful day when a hand reached out to me.
A light so pure that it shone away the hatred and betrayal and made everything okay.
A friend.
Friends have been hard to come by.
I keep myself closed up and avoid anyone who might have a chance to tear me apart.
So I stayed in my own bubble where no one could reach me.
Not even the small number of people close to me could get to me, so they faded away.
But all along, it had been I who had faded, and my friends remained.
They forced me to open my eyes to the daylight, and shy away from the overwhelming darkness.
And then I realized I was not alone.
Maybe inside, but outside I was surrounded by people who care about me.
People who can understand the me I put out for them.
The me I can pretend to be just from them.
So I continue to shed tears of happiness.
Not only do I have my friends to keep me on the right level of ground, but I have my will and spirit.
Awakened it was when I escaped the shards of glass and bloodied nailed.
What I had thought died many years ago had only been put to sleep by my negativity and depression.
Though I could not run away from depression, I am able to see a brighter side to things more often.
When the sun comes out on a rainy day, I can feel relief that I won't be walking in the rain, and that the day became beautiful.
But still a part of me will miss the rain and its depressing aura that it will give off onto me.
Like the sky can feel my pain and express it.
Walking in the rain can always make me feel sad, but in a bittersweet way.
So my negativity still lives on.
Alone I sit with nothing but the air around me.
Filled with the scent of stale tears and forgotten faith.
Tainted with lost feelings and broken souls.
And in this darkness, I sit alone, the only light, flickering with will to live.
But as the cold and cruel wind blows, the flame hesitates and slowly loses the will to fight.
So I, the only hope left in this broken home, stare ahead into the darkness.
I see nothing.
There is nothing to see.
But I can feel the evil crawling all over me.
It tries to slip in threw my pores, but I can manage to sweat it out.
But I am still alone.
So I hide in the depths of my own mind, where the darkness cannot reach, as long as I hold my eyes tight enough.
The evil may try to slip in underneath my eyelids, but I blink it away.
And then I remember that it is my tears I'm blinking away.
Tears of happiness because I can keep the evil out, even if it was always the real me all along.
A small smile slowly creeps upon my tear stained face, as I stare at the darkness of my eyelids.
No more tears fell.
Right then I realized I was living a lie.
These were not tears of happiness, but tears of my endless sorrow.
And I realized that the friends I'd surrounded myself with, were not friends at all, but figments of my imagination.
So why do I smile?
My smile only grew, and I opened my eyes and allowed the evil to rush in.
The candle light that was once my soul gave in, and the wind blew it out in a puff of smoke.
And I found myself in my hole again, standing on used nails, grabbing at broken glass.
I realized that I had never even left.
Only my soul had drifted away to a wonderful place of lies and deceit.
But I was back, and not a single tear would ever fall again.
Nothing left to feel; nothing left to be, I'll just fade away again.
And never come back.
*rereads*
Kind of short... pointless... stupid... slightly scary... and... why am I posting it? o.o
xD
I know I'm going to regret this later so...
Just pretend you never read it~
Thank you. ^^
- Sakura Lied.
 Lyccea · Tue Dec 19, 2006 @ 03:40pm · 0 Comments |
