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WARNING: It's a long journal entry. And I mean it. Read at your own risk. wink

So, here I am. After more than a month of not-writing in my journal, I write. Hooray for me! xp

Summer means 0% of stress. Unlike other "Summer School" summers, this summer we've done nothing but stay at home, enjoy the pool, tv, computer, music and stuff of the sort. Specially getting ready for the moving.

You read well, we're moving to a safer neighbourhood. It's a closed one...you know. The good thing is that I don't have to share bedroom anymore with my five-year-old sister Estefi. The bad is that the swimming pool is smaller. Oh well. Life isn't perfect. domokun


***

Last friday, we went to the bowling. My best-friend Lizzy being in Australia, I can't invite her over every day. So the "we" stands for mum, Estefi, Jaime (he's 10) and me. Hooray.

It was going great, I promise, until I saw my old friend Luis Fernando comming in, LF for short.

Flashback Mode

The summer before last (that's about january 2003.... eek gonk ) we were great friends. School started and we got apart, since my school divides average A students in different classes than average B and C, and I was in A and he in B. Since I didn't have msn yet we emailed each other every day, got together with precise timing so that the talking was agile and almost like chatting. It was great, and we soon knew each other like the back of our hands.

Now one of my problems is that I don't get mad easily, but I'm like a small glass that soon fills in with all my troubles. And because he was the last one to annoy, he got IT. IT is a big email filled with horrible things I sent. Immediatly after I sent it I started crying because I knew I didn't mean it...and if I did, I didn't want to end the friendship. He didn't take it easily either, but at the end we decided not to "destroy" our great friendship, even if it was kind of destroyed already, by dumb old me crying .

To me he was always more than a friend, but when he asked me who I liked I of course couldn't tell him, and he thought I didn't trust him and that annoyed him as well. Things got cooler between us.

When my mother found out that I emailed him using my school emailed she got mad at me and I had to use the other email. Now problem is we've got Outlook Express so we share the Inbox, and of course that embarrassed both of us.

That email had lots of problems too, and he didn't receive half the emails I sent him. So little by little we broke apart until only memories were left of our great friendship.

Last year, 2004, the school organized an "Outdoor Education Program" at a small city in the mountians, and we did rafting, climbing, camping, horse-riding and stuff to "learn leadership, and blah blah blah". He was at the activity group, and that kind of made us together again, but not much since there were other 8 people in the group and anyway he seemed more interested in Lizzy eek xd .

When I finally got MSN in october (that's another long story...) we chatted and it was good....still not great. He told me that he had a girl friend and I felt great for him and even made him one of the sparklez I sell on my shop, because of course I don't like him anymore. whee

End of Flashback

Back to Friday then. I suddenly spotted him, his girl friend, another friend of his and his friend's girl friend. OUCH. Now I'll let you know that I don't like meeting people from school when I'm out...it makes me feel awkward and weird and bad. It conditions me, if you know what I mean.

Still, he very-politely came and kissed me (cheek of course). It was weird though. All of our friendship flashed in front of my eyes, and how I'd felt about him, and there was also his girl friend looking at me like I was dirt under her shoes.

Suddenly there was Mom and Jaime and Estefi, asking who this was, and where did I meet him and all. Now if I've made my Mom sound like an ogre, then that's not true, she's really nice and supportive and helpful with me and lately we've been talking a lot.

Later, she told me that from that moment on I'd started walking different and talking different, all of a sudden I didn't walk straight and sure of myself. Because I wasn't. I felt weird, very weird, bizarro weird. I still don't know why.

While we talked she said she'd felt sorry for me because of what would my image would look like, "she goes out with her baby sibilings, I mean, honest ", but ppl who know me know I'm not that other kind of person. And anyway, I can't. I can't go out without my family. My father works for something like World Bank, which means he's sort of a diplomat (we change countries a lot and all, but that's another story too) so they keep telling him that the world is a dangerous place for us and never to leave us alone, and security measures, which are of course stuff needed in the country we're currently living in.

Anyway. Yersterday we went to school to buy the new school clothes and get name tags and all, you know (this year there's an online matriculation). But we left the bag with the school swimming outfit and other stuff there, so Mum and I went because we had to do other things together later.

Of course, I knew I would find him there. It's at the school summer school were we became good friends, and I know he hangs out a lot there very summer. But now the weird feeling had left me, I was hoping I wouldn't see him.

And yes, you guessed it, just as we were heading towards the parking lot, which is next to the school pool, we saw him, and of course I dilligently went (and he did too, it was like perfect coordination) to kiss each other (cheek again, HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND) and because he was so wet my right cheek got all wet. I didn't shove off the dampness of my check after a small while.

And as we headed towards the car, Mom said,

" You seem to meet that friend of yours everywhere. Maybe he's in your destiny."

"Yes, I've noticed too. That's weird."

And I felt good as I said it. Weird is basicly his favourite word.

***

Now the weird feeling is slowly leaving myself, I just ask...why am I feeling all this weird suddenly? Have I got a crush on him, is that it? Or maybe just thinking of the crush I had on him makes me feel weird...like its so strong I'm going over it again. But it's not him I like...I think. I have lots of mixed and weird feelings. Theres a lot to tell if it comes to love matters. But it's long stuff. I won't write today...

***

Now, what do you people think it is? What should I do? How can I understand what's going over me? Is it crush, is it memory...is it something in between? Or maybe you need to know about the other stuff?

Please comment....I'd love you to!