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1. Friends.
That I don't have. Yeah, online friends, but when I really need to go over to someone's house or something, they ******** PUSH ME AWAY.
I need to get away from this shitty place we call home, and there's no one that'll help. Why? Because either, 1 - They have a life. surprised Or 2. I smell like smoke ( My mom and stepdad smoke constantly ) and their parents think I'm a bad influence.
********. Guess I'm screwed for the rest of my life.

2. My stepdad.
I'm convinced that he hates me. Why? Because when he took me up to see Neal I didn't pay for the whole god damned trip. Of course I was planning on getting Neal a few things to remember it, but.. ********.
When my mother's asleep, he's at his worst. He'll yell, cuss, throw stuff & make me feel like s**t is better than me.
I'm so ******** hated by the only person that might be considered my "father." Which bring me to..

3. My biological father & that side of the family.
You know what he got me for my birthday and Christmas? <3
NOTHING.
He spends all his ******** money on s**t that is going to kill him. Beer & drugs. Then when he "promises" that he's going to see me or something.. I always get my hopes up.
Then he lets me down. AGAIN.
Whenever he mentions a part of the family that he knows.. it's sad that I have no idea who he's talking about. He's a stranger to me, and so is that "family."
I HAVE NO ******** FAMILY. Which now brings me to..

4. FAMILY.
That I certainly do not have.
Mom.. she's really the only thing that is family.. but.. maybe she could at least ask me how my day was or something.. I'm thinking it's what parents do..?
My stepdad.. ugh. I love him. He hates me.
Grandma. Bless her heart.. she's 72 and has already had a stroke. She's more of a mom than my real one. Though lately she's been sassing me a lot. Last night, when I broke down and cried in front of her she was more concerned that I'd wipe my tears on her pillows than me.
Dad and the others.. I can safely say, "Who are these people?"

5. Love.
My Neal's the only person that gives my soul, heart and body what it needs. Love.
From friends.. family.. pssshhh.. they'd give me s**t on a stick then anything else.
I love you, Neal. I can't wait til we're married.
Then I'll live a simple life, filled with joy and love from my husband and our kids.

This stressed has been affecting me physically too.
My neck and shoulders are stiff. I have constant headaches. My knee's giving out on me more. I don't eat so much.. Neal's the only reason why I even do. My eyes hurt.. they feel as if they're going to pop out. I break down and cry at the worst times possible.

And for all you people that say that you know what I feel like.. NO. YOU DO NOT KNOW. YOU HAVE NO ******** IDEA, ********.
I understand that there are people less fortunate than I and I SYMPATHIZE. But I do not say that I know what it's like..

Maybe mom will take me out so that I can get something pierced.. -Sighs-
Maybe pain can make this go away...