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Hmm...
Maybe I have been really weird today. >.> At first I didn't really think so. o.o I just feel happy~
Happy~
xD
I guess happy just isn't a me thing. I'm the dark and depressing chikka you find in the corner.
But you know...
I'm not really completely like that. Honestly, I'm starting to think it was all just a role I picked out for myself. I mean... it was all just the person I wanted to be. Or! More of... I became a person who I knew was safe from the world. o.o
Being negative, depressed, and all that good stuff... makes you prepared for all the terrible things that are bound to happen. So when the do... it doesn't really come as a shocker, and it just passes you by like another day in your life.
Desensitized~
Numb~
Safe! Safe and hidden away from the world and it's tortures.
...
The whole self injury thing. >.> It can have many meanings. But of course, it doesn't really have and deep meaning, and is just a shallow way to burn off some steam~
It could be that you hate yourself to such an extent that you want to hurt yourself. o.o Just like when you hate someone else, and may want to hurt them. But when you, yourself, are the enemy, there's no one to protect you. o.o
Or you could be numb. Feeling empty. Unfeeling. And you want to feel. o.o So why not fill that emptiness with pain? At least it's a feeling. At least you're not hollow anymore. At least you can remind yourself that you're still alive, no matter how dead you feel inside.
Or you could be full of feeling! You could be feeling so much, and you just want to run and hide from it. You need the distraction. You need to teach yourself that these feelings are bad. Train yourself. If you bleed everytime you love, maybe you can teach yourself not to love. o.o
Or sometimes... there's a thrill. o.o Masochistic high. Or just the fact that you can do it, so why not?! Why not tear apart your skin and laugh at the people who thought they could control you?! Just be you! Do what makes you happy! HA HA HA!
...
And then there's the attention seekers. o.o People who just want you to look at them and know they are seriously screwed up. So that someone can try to take care of them. Reassure them. Tell them everything will be fine in the end. Sometimes... they do it to fit in with a crowd. o.o It's sad~
...
And then... I don't know. o.o Other reasons, it all depends on the person.
But listen here. >.>
For most of the reasons, I've done it. And yes. It is so damned wonderful. For... maybe... a minute. ^^ Then you'll feel terrible. You might not regret, but you'll feel terrible. Unless it's the whole masochistic or attention seeking thing. Then there might be too much of a thrill to feel terrible.
...
Don't.
Just don't. ^^
...
xD
Sorry, I just don't know.
Why did I start that? Ugh. Nevermind.
- Sakura Lied.
 Lyccea · Fri Jan 05, 2007 @ 01:58am · 0 Comments |
