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Gosh. o.o I feel ill~ xP
Bleh.
Mreh!
Insert some other sound. o.o
...
Actually. >.> Maybe I don't feel sick...
...
Nevermind. o.o I do. Dx
...
And on a completely different note. O.O
Hi~
...
Dot dot dot...
Maybe this doesn't have any point, but I want it to! I want to one day write the PERFECT ENTRY! o: It would be insightful and smart and meaningful and touch everyone's heart~
xD
But until the day I become insightful and smart and meaningful and... heart touchable... my entries shall remain completely... pointless. o.o
But let me talk about random events!
Umm... o.o
...
CAN YOU JUST TASTE THE IMPERFECTION OOZING FROM THIS ENTRY?! D:&
Dot dot dot...
xD
That whole "Dot dot dot..." thing ish an inside joke-ish thing with an old friend of mine. Well, it's an old one. Just an old habit we both had. It tended to be... me and her watching our other friends... and they would do something weird... and we would both kind of just say that.
"Dot dot dot..."
*both chikkas back away slowly*
xD
It's only funny if you were the one experiancing it about ten times a day for a couple of weeks. >.>
...
I'm going to make this long. <.< LONG AND MEANINGLESS~
AND YES, I REALLY FEEL LIKE TYPING IN CAPS LOCK TODAY, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?!
...
Dx
I'm dying~
But anyway~
Hm. o.o
*organizes thoughts*
Gosh! I feel like smacking my head up against something really hard! And bleeding! And suffering! AND DYING! HA HA HA!
D:
No no no. No I don't~
I'm just in a weird mood mixture of hyper-depressed-ish. o: Kind of... just feeling... like running! Really fast! Just for the sake of tripping, falling, and dying~
>.>
I don't want to die. No one take this the wrong way. Dx I just feel like I'm going to die. xD Oh the pain~
...
My mommy ish worried that I'm not eating enough. o.o I think she thinks I'm pulling an anorexic thing or something. Because I want to be so skinny that you can freaking see my bones! My pretty bones~
o__o
Why the hell am I being so weird. xD
But anyway, maybe I haven't been eating enough. But it's just 'cause I don't really have time to eat. xD I've been doing stuff more important than food! And anyway, haven't been hungry. o.o
...
Don't worry world. I'm not really losing my sanity. Sometimes it's just fun to misplace it for a while. :3
...
Do you ever get the urge to set things on fire? Like... just glare it down and watch it set a blaze! O_O FIRE!
>.>
Nope, I am SO not a pyromaniac. I just like fire~
I like to set candles a fire. And watch 'em burn...
Sometimes I take bits of paper and drop them in the flame and watch it burn more! But no worries. I haven't set anything on fire, including myself. 'Cause burns really hurt. D: And I'm not that masochistic.
...
NOT masochistic. xD I don't need something so stupid. xD No one does. It's all just a thing of the mind. o.o A trick that society has played on us. To... sell razorblades! O:
Razorblades~
I've never used those before. o.o Too scary. Once accidently sliced my thumb when I was young. Owwie. Dx
Heh. o.o
Why bleed anyway? Sometimes I want to just to watch it. o.o No. NO NO NO. I don't want to. o.o
...
Once I had left my hair straightener on my bed. And I was in the process of changing from pyjamas to clothing. Thus, no pants on. xD So I sat on my bed to pull on socks or something, and I ******** sat on the damned hair straightener. xD IT WAS ON.
O___O
That really hurt. xD I had a huge-ish burn on the side of my hip-ish area. And it hurt so damned much. xD Just to walk. o.o My pants would rub it back and forth... and I had to walk to school. Thirty minute walk. And I didn't tell anybody about it. xD I wasn't about to admit I was stupid enough to sit on a hair straightener.
But I guess I just did. o.o
Hm. o.o
Let's think of other stupid things I've done in my past. *looks up in thought*
Eh...
Umm...
...
There are just so many... to choose from. xD
When I was really really small. Back when I still lived in my apartment, thus below the age of six, I had an obsession with boxes. o.o I would always claim all boxes and kind of just... sit in them. >.>
xD
One time I put a rather large box on my bed and decided to sleep in it that night. xD It was SO uncomfortable, but somehow, I managed the whole night in a box. xD
At and even younger age! I used to throw all my toys on the floor, and just sit in my toy box. o:
...
Yesh, I was a really odd child. xD
I was like...
A possesed little demon child. o_o Well, no, not exactly. I just had major night terrors and would wake up and run around screaming, crying, mumbling nonsense. And the thing is, I would never remember the nightmare by this point. I just knew it was bad~
I used to sleep walk to. And sometimes, just out of the blue, I would start pacing around, breathing heavy, mumbling, mumbling... and then someone would be all... "Is something wrong?" ... and I would cry and scream and cry. And just mumbling nonsense!
xD
I don't remember these things to well, except one time. o.o I remember it one time, and it was terrible. xD Mind went blank. Panic. Lots of panic.
...
Now that I think about it...
I guess those were my miniture version of my nervous breakdowns. o.o I've always been a mess. I've always been oh so messed up~
Yay me~
...
You know what? If you've read this far... you should be ashamed of yourself. xD You're wasting your time and melting you mind! That kind of rhymes. Not really. But still. JUST PLAY ALONG, DAMN IT! D:<
>.>
Eh...
If this is me at my worst, I must be a pretty decent person. o.o
xD
My worst... my worst...
When I start babbling stuff that makes no sense and freaking ask you to hurt me~
"Can you please take this here blade and slice through this here skin of this here chikka that just so happens to be me? Please?"
...
Though that's never happened. o.o Probably never will. But if you ever feel the need to set me on fire and tear at my flesh, feel free~
Take out your frustration on me~
Just as along as I can still breath afterwards, and I can keep my clothing on... go ahead~
...
...
Wait...
I'm supposed to be passed that. >.>
Eh...
DON'T TOUCH ME!
...
D:
I think there's something terribly wrong with me. I think I should be punished for such behavior! Eh. Why does everything lead back to me being abused? Do you want to hurt me that badly?!
o___o
I think...
I'm losing it. Dx
*cries*
It's amazing how I actually feeling like crying. Finding a nice corner and breaking down...
...
...
...
On a different note.
I really love life~
It's just so wondeful. o.o How could it manage to be so perfect? Something like this couldn't be a lie! Let the impossible be possible!
Luff luff~
'Cause even though I be Miss-dark-negative-unloving-hating-stupid-masochistic-freak-girl... she managed to fall so hard that it hurts sometimes. o.o
But not that bad kind of hurt. Just a yearning sort of thing. An emptiness trying to fill itself, maybe. And then everytime I make things seem just a little sad... I feel terrible. o.o 'Cause I just want things to be so damned perfect. >.<
Perfection~
...
Perfection ish overated. >.>
xD
I don't know. Life at this time is more perfect than it's ever been.
But...
There is no perfect. o.o 'Cause how could there be? How can anything be, at all?
Every single word I type, none of it's me. Every single word I know is apart of someone else. Which is apart of someone else! And so on. o-o
Everything I know, I was told. Everything I think, I was influenced. Everything I do, I have seen! Nothing is original. Nothing is new. Something brings something else. You can't just pull nothing out of something. Life isn't like that!
>.>
But what do I know? I'm just a fifteen year old girl who hasn't live much of a life. o.o For years it's been the same thing over and over. And then... somewhere, somehow, I'm experiancing completely new things that this voice inside my mind told me would never happen. o.o
Maybe I listened to closely to this voice. Maybe I even still do. 'Cause she likes bad things. <.< Well. Honestly. She doesn't. She's just like me. Just wants to be happy~
But because of what she's seen... she knows what can happen with somethings. Somethings that can make you so happy, but can also break you down to a nothing. o.o
She isn't very risky... and doesn't usually think to take those kind of chances.
But... I guess I'm not who I thought I was. Let this be my journey of self discovery. o.o Damn, that's pathetic.
...
*drinks Kool-aid*
This stuff tastes awful... but it's sweet... and is making me happy. xD It's my third glass in like... half and hour. o.o
Call it a sudden happy moment. o.o I don't feel like ranting anymore. So this shall be the end!
But you know this has been the absolute waste of time, and yet the best thing you have ever read!
Ha!
xD
Just kidding...
Bye bye~
- Sakura Lied.
 Lyccea · Fri Jan 12, 2007 @ 02:58am · 0 Comments |
