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I just came to realize that I have barbeque sauce in my hair from dinner. -_- I'm just too damned graceful~
xD
Okay, that isn't the reason I started this entry. It just so happened to be noticed just as I began. o.o
...
I seem to find myself reading old conversations a lot. Reading 'em, just to find all the wonderful words that made me smile~
xD
'Cause I'm simple like that.
I'm better from last entry. xD Didn't take much long for me to kind of just cool it and breathe again.
*breathes*
Such a wonderful feeling. o.o Just being~
Just seeing the things there are to see. Being apart of something so big, and yet so small. Just being a nothing, like everything else, and to be whatever you want to be. Believe what you want to believe. And just live whatever life your choices lead you. o.o
Feeling. o.o Being able to feel every damned thing that comes at you. Being able to sometimes even grasp it; understand it. Feeling the rush of feeling. The pain, the pleasure. The good and bad. Even the numbing emptiness, the yearning TO feel, is a feeling.
And sometimes...
There are too many to handle. Overwhelming. But you can't run away from it. 'Cause the feeling is inside you; apart of you. And though you can reach a point of denial... it'll always be there.
And feelings that you thought you could never feel. o.o They might come even stronger when the finally break through. And you find what you've been missing. What you've been denying the existance of. And you just want to hold onto it so bad; never let go. 'Cause once it's gone, could you possibly still go on? Or would you simply find yourself believing even less. Bury your soul deeper inside yourself. Learn from the mistake. Never let anyone in deep enough. Never again.
But it's not good to think of the worst situations. If anything, just simply prepare yourself for the worst... but expect the best. Hope for the best... >.> Forget about the negative things. Forget about all the promises you had made to yourself; all those words that voice dared to say to you. 'Cause they didn't know what they were talking about. They just wanted to watch you fall. o.o So if you throw them away... you can take your turn and see exactly where you could have been; where you are.
Eh...
Shush, I'm organizing thoughts. I don't care if all my opinions are terribly wrong and make no sense. If you don't like 'em, then go-
...
xD
Nevermind, I'm not that pissed off at the world.
...
I don't usually like to admit I was wrong. >.> I tend to hide my mistakes, try and pretend they were never there. xD Because though I am one of the most imperfect person you could find... I still strive to find a perfection. o.o Sometimes my methods are bad. Well... terrible. 'Cause though this is something that is of my past, and supposed to be just completely forgotten and lost... the thought of bleeding still rushes through my mind.
Thirteen days. o.o Thirteen days into the new year. Thirteen days since I took on a new role. Thirteen days where I was supposed to be positive, bright, and happy, and instead... wasn't.
Well...
I've been happy.
I've been beyond the term happy. o.o I simple word can't describe this feeling. o.o A word can't describe anything at all. A definition. A definition to a word is written with more words. Words... are created by people. And people are the most imperfect creatures you could find. People are walking mistakes, walking lies, walking contradictions. Walking memories, thoughts, and ideas. Walking feelings. Feelings that come and go so naturally. Feelings that people tried to describe... but could we ever get it right? Can you ever find a word that fits just right?
Love.
The definition to love depresses me. Not the definition itself. Just the fact that people are trying to use words to place it.
Words mean nothing and everything all at once. But people can say anything. Truth or not. Felt or hollow...
Words can tear you apart and leave you broken. Actions can find away to piece you back together incorrectly and break you again.
And somewhere down the road. o.o You'll look back... and wonder why it hurt you so bad. Wonder why you chose to take it as a lesson and just give up. Maybe even miss the feeling...
Some people don't learn. You watch 'em fall time and time again.. and then get up and try again. Get up and still tell you, "This is real."
"I know you really do believe..."
And then you look down at yourself... and you see the coward that you are. How you never bothered to even try. You gave up before you even had the opportunity to feel it. You don't even know how it feels, how can you deny it's existance? So many people will tell you it's wonderful, and yet it still isn't real to you?
...
But do you see all the people crying because of it? Do you see all the broken promises, all the hatred. Do you see what love becomes? It becomes pain. It starts as the best feeling, and then switches. Contradicts. Leave you dead inside. Alone.
But so what...
So many others have managed to get up from that, and do it all over. But what does it even matter? You aren't them. You're story isn't theirs. It's yours, and if you don't live, how can you know? If you don't even dare try once... who will you be? Will you be their scars?
...
Heh...
But what do I know. xD
- Sakura Lied.
 Lyccea · Sun Jan 14, 2007 @ 01:21am · 0 Comments |
